Last month, I wrote an article about the privatization of prisons. That is only the tip of the iceberg. Private companies will also be handling GPS monitoring in California, and companies like Offender Watch Systems is taking over public registries in many locations. All this privatization implies lowest bidder, corner cutting, and less oversight. As bad as the government is at targeting those forced onto public registries, corporate/ private business interest is downright scary.
Think about it-- the business has a vested interest in keeping business alive. There is a wealth of information to suggest the registries cause the social ostracism which increases the likelihood of re-offending, so why would a private company concern itself with rehabilitation and effective measures of reducing crime?
On the Offender Watch corporate website, it says, "Together, Appriss and Watch Systems are providing services covering nearly 70,000 sex offenders, about 15 percent of the registered sex offender population in the United States." Actually, it is less than 10%. Business is booming, after all, especially with their systems making the claim they are "Adam Walsh Act compliant."
"Appriss currently notifies residents and businesses when registered sex offenders move into their neighborhoods. Its solutions also locate non- complaint offenders and update at-risk agencies of registered sex offenders in their area via phone, fax, or e-mail. Appriss will now be able to tap into Watch Systems' OffenderWatch® to enhance law enforcement's ability to track offenders' whereabouts." I'm curious how they locate non-compliant registrants. After all they are only a database. They also pimp iris scan technology. I am curious as to how an iris scan will prevent crime. Again, remember OffenderWatch is a business.
Consider this quote from the Houston Chronicle: "'You can easily see how it goes from iris scans for registered sex offenders to iris scans for all felons, to iris scans for everyone who is convicted of a misdemeanor, to iris scans for anyone who is arrested,' said Melissa Ngo, director of EPIC's identification and surveillance project." It reminds me of the registry itself. We are seeing more offenses added to the registry with every legislative session, while new registries from violent offender to dangerous dog registries exist across the US. It makes me wonder what else applied only to sex offenders will expand in due time, given people have been willing to accept intrusions of their rights for the sake of security.
There are a few questions I have. What does Offender Watch mean by "Geographic Risk Assessment?" Studies have already proven where a registrant lives is irrelevant. Why is there no disclaimer against abusing the registry info? What is a "Geo-Address Scrubber?" Sounds like some kind of Swiffer-style cleaner. My favorite is the "Fireworks Safety" PDF-- what does firework safety have to do with sex offenders? Don't shoot fireworks at home; instead, get on the sex offender registry.
I wonder if Watch Systems, LLC will offer stock someday, like GEO Group has. That is a disgusting thought. I'm sure there will also be paid lobbyists designed to keep more low-risk offenders on the registry. The corporate takeover of the Justice system is a very scary thought indeed.
"Through Wisdom and Knowledge, We Rise From the Ashes!" -- This is Once Fallen's blog for sex offense commentaries, OpEds and assorted elucidations. For sex offense research, support, and advocacy, visit www.oncefallen.com today.
Friday, May 27, 2011
More privatization of the justice system
Monday, May 23, 2011
Legal misandry: The true silent epidemic
Domestic violence laws are controversial in many ways, primarily because of the low standards required and the gender discrimination against men. Men are already seen as potential predators by many victim's groups. It is socially acceptable to cast men as potential predators. Child victim advocate John Walsh even advocates not hiring male babysitters because men are all potential pedophiles in his eyes. Maybe he just feels that way because he has battled sexual addiction over the years. No one questions that belief, and as a result, men must face uphill battles in defending outlandish accusations of abuse of any kind in court, be it sexual abuse of a child or against a protection order against a woman.
Our society has been inundated with Radical Feminist propaganda for many years. Popular culture has romanticized the concept of vigilantism against "abusive men" in movies like the Feminist film Thelma and Louise and Sleeping with the Enemy, and in songs like Janie's Got a Gun by Aerosmyth. Lorena Bobbitt was exalted by Feminist groups and other extremist "domestic violence advocates." Just type in the word "battered" in Google and the first results to come back include "battered woman's syndrome," "battered wife's syndrome," and "battered woman." There is a "battered men/ husband's syndrome," but to be honest, even I am surprised anyone has ever coined the term, and I doubt this has ever been used as a defense in court (the technical term is "Battered Person's Syndrome," but again, the term is generally applied to women). Do not not forget the discrepancy in sentencing for men and women are significantly different as well, with women getting shorter sentences for similar crimes as men.
There is probably no greater discrepancy in the gender gap in the area of domestic relations. Allow me to introduce a perfect illustration. Lets say you've been in a relationship for so many years to a woman who has a clinical diagnosis of Borderline Personality Disorder, Major Depression, has paranoia, and a family history of schizophrenia. She believes all men are indeed brutish, violent, and prone to cheat. As the man in this relationship you are subject to interrogations, invasive searches, and constant surveillance without ever giving the woman a reason to believe you are a womanizer or abuser. You are "walking on eggshells" as your every action becomes suspect. If a woman that isn't wrapped up like a Muslim wife in public, she would go on tirades about the perceived trashiness of the woman and accusations of lust for the woman of loose morals are directed at you. You reach a point in your relationship where you want out because you are tired of feeling like you are the subject of an FBI investigation rather than a loving hubby/ boyfriend/ fiancee.
When you two break up, she calls the police on you and makes a wild accusation. The police hassle you but they don't arrest you because you did nothing wrong (but as they see it, they "haven't caught you"). You pack up her things and leave them at her place in neat little boxes. A few days later you get a knock at the door; it is a sheriff's deputy handing you a restraining order. You feel a sinking feeling in your chest as you are treated like you just murdered someone. In 2 weeks you go before a judge and plead your innocence. The "ex" paints a picture of you as some kind of "monster," and the female judge accepts her on her word only. The judge rules against you. You have no defense. You are a man, after all.
How many times has this scenario played out in court? There is no telling. Men are the "stronger" sex, after all. Men do not report domestic violence against them because of many reasons, including a fear of a 911 call turning against him, fear (mostly of being accused of being abusive himself), societal disbelief, and shame. You can even say it seems like a joke, the thought of a big, burly guy whipped by a 5'3 woman. The cultural belief favors the woman, and many women know it. As a result, arrests of female abusers are rare.
There is another element of abuse that is not considered, though is often used in defense of women abused by men. Women tend to be more emotionally and psychologically abusive (though some were physical). Some women abuse their men through the legal system that favors women in domestic laws as well. It is far too easy to traumatize a man through a false allegation in the domestic civil courts, where only a "preponderance of the evidence" (a low standard of proof suggesting the allegation is "more likely than not" something happened) is the standard by which you are labeled and condemned. It is hard to prove psychological abuse, and as a man it seems the standard is unconsciously raised to "Beyond a Reasonable Doubt."
I have experienced firsthand the impact of psychological and emotional abuse from a woman. It is essentially the same as "Asymmetrical Warfare." Asymmetric warfare, in a nutshell, is the use of tactics to compensate for being the weaker force in a war, like Guerrilla Warfare or terrorism. A series of small scale attacks compromise the will of a larger force. perhaps the term "war of the sexes" has merit. I have suffered the long term effects of abuse, but as a man, I really have nowhere to turn. There are no "battered men's shelters," no assistance programs for men displaced by leaving his abuser, or even a support network. Equality is a myth.
Radical Feminists have been called "Feminazis." In light of many things they have stated publicly, I can see why Radical Feminism is seen with such disdain, yet their views are accepted in culture and the courts. It is not about "equality" of the sexes, it is a matter of usurping power. Ironically, Radical Feminists become the very evil they are claiming to fight. The symbol of the justice system is a scale, not a pendulum. Equality is a balance, but the Radical Feminists Courts are a pendulum. It takes more men willing to speak out against their abusers. We must not continue to suffer in silence.
Our society has been inundated with Radical Feminist propaganda for many years. Popular culture has romanticized the concept of vigilantism against "abusive men" in movies like the Feminist film Thelma and Louise and Sleeping with the Enemy, and in songs like Janie's Got a Gun by Aerosmyth. Lorena Bobbitt was exalted by Feminist groups and other extremist "domestic violence advocates." Just type in the word "battered" in Google and the first results to come back include "battered woman's syndrome," "battered wife's syndrome," and "battered woman." There is a "battered men/ husband's syndrome," but to be honest, even I am surprised anyone has ever coined the term, and I doubt this has ever been used as a defense in court (the technical term is "Battered Person's Syndrome," but again, the term is generally applied to women). Do not not forget the discrepancy in sentencing for men and women are significantly different as well, with women getting shorter sentences for similar crimes as men.
There is probably no greater discrepancy in the gender gap in the area of domestic relations. Allow me to introduce a perfect illustration. Lets say you've been in a relationship for so many years to a woman who has a clinical diagnosis of Borderline Personality Disorder, Major Depression, has paranoia, and a family history of schizophrenia. She believes all men are indeed brutish, violent, and prone to cheat. As the man in this relationship you are subject to interrogations, invasive searches, and constant surveillance without ever giving the woman a reason to believe you are a womanizer or abuser. You are "walking on eggshells" as your every action becomes suspect. If a woman that isn't wrapped up like a Muslim wife in public, she would go on tirades about the perceived trashiness of the woman and accusations of lust for the woman of loose morals are directed at you. You reach a point in your relationship where you want out because you are tired of feeling like you are the subject of an FBI investigation rather than a loving hubby/ boyfriend/ fiancee.
When you two break up, she calls the police on you and makes a wild accusation. The police hassle you but they don't arrest you because you did nothing wrong (but as they see it, they "haven't caught you"). You pack up her things and leave them at her place in neat little boxes. A few days later you get a knock at the door; it is a sheriff's deputy handing you a restraining order. You feel a sinking feeling in your chest as you are treated like you just murdered someone. In 2 weeks you go before a judge and plead your innocence. The "ex" paints a picture of you as some kind of "monster," and the female judge accepts her on her word only. The judge rules against you. You have no defense. You are a man, after all.
How many times has this scenario played out in court? There is no telling. Men are the "stronger" sex, after all. Men do not report domestic violence against them because of many reasons, including a fear of a 911 call turning against him, fear (mostly of being accused of being abusive himself), societal disbelief, and shame. You can even say it seems like a joke, the thought of a big, burly guy whipped by a 5'3 woman. The cultural belief favors the woman, and many women know it. As a result, arrests of female abusers are rare.
There is another element of abuse that is not considered, though is often used in defense of women abused by men. Women tend to be more emotionally and psychologically abusive (though some were physical). Some women abuse their men through the legal system that favors women in domestic laws as well. It is far too easy to traumatize a man through a false allegation in the domestic civil courts, where only a "preponderance of the evidence" (a low standard of proof suggesting the allegation is "more likely than not" something happened) is the standard by which you are labeled and condemned. It is hard to prove psychological abuse, and as a man it seems the standard is unconsciously raised to "Beyond a Reasonable Doubt."
I have experienced firsthand the impact of psychological and emotional abuse from a woman. It is essentially the same as "Asymmetrical Warfare." Asymmetric warfare, in a nutshell, is the use of tactics to compensate for being the weaker force in a war, like Guerrilla Warfare or terrorism. A series of small scale attacks compromise the will of a larger force. perhaps the term "war of the sexes" has merit. I have suffered the long term effects of abuse, but as a man, I really have nowhere to turn. There are no "battered men's shelters," no assistance programs for men displaced by leaving his abuser, or even a support network. Equality is a myth.
Radical Feminists have been called "Feminazis." In light of many things they have stated publicly, I can see why Radical Feminism is seen with such disdain, yet their views are accepted in culture and the courts. It is not about "equality" of the sexes, it is a matter of usurping power. Ironically, Radical Feminists become the very evil they are claiming to fight. The symbol of the justice system is a scale, not a pendulum. Equality is a balance, but the Radical Feminists Courts are a pendulum. It takes more men willing to speak out against their abusers. We must not continue to suffer in silence.
Labels:
Abuse of Law,
Brandi,
Domestic Violence Laws,
Feminism
Thursday, May 5, 2011
How Ironic: Comments from alleged advocates for children
I find comments in message boards across America quite contrary. I work specifically on sex offender issues, so I'm never surprised by the typical comments that go along the line of "kill/ rape/ brand all sex offenders." What I find even the more ironic is this venom coming from people who claim to be anti-rape. Am I the only one seeing the irony in all this? Why would any person or group so opposed to rape advocating prison rape or other violent crimes? I'd love an explanation.
Two wrongs do not make a right. To say you oppose rape but support rape is hypocrisy.
I think there should be a few rules of commenting for these individuals.
But all those who comment on the boards, please do me a favor. Please learn to spell. A "pedifile" is a file for your feet. Please don't use your "assoicats" degree from the University of Phoenix as credentials. I have a Bachelor's degree from Athens State University. It may not be Harvard, but it's an accredited university. I graduated cum laude. If your GPA is above 3.5 like you claim, please use Latin. Also, I'd prefer you offer something to the debate instead of the same tired comments; references to actual studies is a plus. Also, I stand by my comments publicly, so please do the same. If you are so right and I'm so wrong, why hide your identity? It makes me think you're hiding other things. I guess it would be too much to ask those attacking me personally to actually read my website rather than attack sites. I stand by every word I say.
That is all. Thank you.
PS: If you still don't like me, PLEASE CLICK HERE.
Two wrongs do not make a right. To say you oppose rape but support rape is hypocrisy.
I think there should be a few rules of commenting for these individuals.
But all those who comment on the boards, please do me a favor. Please learn to spell. A "pedifile" is a file for your feet. Please don't use your "assoicats" degree from the University of Phoenix as credentials. I have a Bachelor's degree from Athens State University. It may not be Harvard, but it's an accredited university. I graduated cum laude. If your GPA is above 3.5 like you claim, please use Latin. Also, I'd prefer you offer something to the debate instead of the same tired comments; references to actual studies is a plus. Also, I stand by my comments publicly, so please do the same. If you are so right and I'm so wrong, why hide your identity? It makes me think you're hiding other things. I guess it would be too much to ask those attacking me personally to actually read my website rather than attack sites. I stand by every word I say.
That is all. Thank you.
PS: If you still don't like me, PLEASE CLICK HERE.
Wednesday, May 4, 2011
Derek Logue is winning
"The only thing I'm addicted to right now is winning." --Charlie SheenHated celebrity Charlie Sheen is not the only one out there "winning." Winning is a relative term at any rate, depends on what we are competing for and what is the ultimate goal.
In my case, my ultimate goal is being an online advocate for the reform of criminal laws, and particular sex offender laws, to emphasize the rehabilitative aspect of law and to promote healing for both offender and victim. Since I don't advocate the "kill all sex offenders" mantra that many of the common citizens do, and because I am a member of this group forced to disclose my private information for the public eye to scrutinize, that generally makes me the bad guy in the eyes of a lot of people. Most of these people make assumptions and draw on sites run by people who get their kicks from creating falsehoods about people and making three a.m. death threats over the phone. It goes with the territory.
I've been advocating changes to these laws since 2004, and since the end of 2007 I have become a highly visible (and hated) figure. It is amazing how we can make assumptions and hate without knowing anything about a person, just a label. Its almost laughable to see the accusations if only people did not believe it because of my label. I've never tried hiding the label. In fact, much like people who have "owned" the "N" word, I have overcome the label society places upon my. I am "winning."
So I'll play Charlie Sheen for a moment and dissect the arguments of one of my detractors, the idiotic Shoalanda Speaks.
hXXp://shoalandaspeaks.blogspot.com/search/label/Derek%20Logue
First point: Troll-anda Spews, in addressing me and other activists who call for reform of sex offender laws, says this on April 4, 2011:
The garbage that these advocates preach concerning children is so sickening that we chose not to finish the blog
It is interesting that she considers treatment for both victim and offender "sickening." Lets look at a few of my "sickening comments:"
I believe sex crimes should be punished. If you want more jail time, fine by me. My problem is with the treatment of offenders after they have finished their sentences. If you commit a sex crime, you should serve time, whatever the state allots. But if (or when) a sex criminal is released, efforts must be made to successfully reintegrate the offender back into society to minimize risk of re-offending. Also, society lacks preventive measures and available counselors to deal with sexual issues before they become sex crimes. It is not about condoning behaviors, it is about minimizing risk.
So Shoalanda thinks punishing sex crimes and calling for rehabilitation programs to minimize recidivism is "sickening." As a matter of fact, I wrote an entire "sickening article entitled "Prevention 101:"
http://www.oncefallen.com/Prevention101.html
Principles of Prevention
Prevention means finding a way to keep sexual violence from occurring in the first case. I believe it IS
possible to find prevention strategies that work. But we have to approach this problem with an open mind.
There are two great websites with prevention as its focus (as you can see from these sites, its about being
“smart” rather than “tough”):
- www.stopitnow.org
- www.jwf.org (NOTE: recently the Jacob Wetterling Foundation has become the Jacob Wetterling Resource Center, www.jwrc.org, and some of the below pages referenced are NOT AVAILABLE at this time
Holy Shiitakes! I'm promoting pro-sex offender sites! Its all downhill from there:
Prevention strategies exist today, but for some reason, we choose to neglect them in favor of punishment strategies
for former offenders, strategies which fail to address preventing strategies. The Jabob Wetterling Resource Center
and Stop It Now! are two fine examples of prevention and treatment oriented approaches which will prove effective
in reducing sex crimes. These strategies teach principles of responsibility, accountability, penance, honesty,
education, vigilance, and most of all, balance or moderation.
Regarding former offenders, there are prevention strategies available to keep former offenders from offending
again. Restorative justice (accountability and empathy training), identifying sexual assault cycles, and developing
relapse prevention plans are tried and true methods of reducing recidivism amongst former offenders. These
treatments have been shown to reduce both general and specific recidivism by at least half, and recognized to be
effective by leading researchers like Karl Hanson.
However, in order to effectively implement these prevention strategies, we must address and reform the many
obstacles in our society: The mass media, politicians, myths and misconceptions, our emphasis on retribution and
punishment, CAPTA mandatory reporting requirements, lack of professionals, and our contrary fear/ fascination of
sex. Only by approaching the subject openly and honestly can we have any hope of preventing sexual violence.
for former offenders, strategies which fail to address preventing strategies. The Jabob Wetterling Resource Center
and Stop It Now! are two fine examples of prevention and treatment oriented approaches which will prove effective
in reducing sex crimes. These strategies teach principles of responsibility, accountability, penance, honesty,
education, vigilance, and most of all, balance or moderation.
Regarding former offenders, there are prevention strategies available to keep former offenders from offending
again. Restorative justice (accountability and empathy training), identifying sexual assault cycles, and developing
relapse prevention plans are tried and true methods of reducing recidivism amongst former offenders. These
treatments have been shown to reduce both general and specific recidivism by at least half, and recognized to be
effective by leading researchers like Karl Hanson.
However, in order to effectively implement these prevention strategies, we must address and reform the many
obstacles in our society: The mass media, politicians, myths and misconceptions, our emphasis on retribution and
punishment, CAPTA mandatory reporting requirements, lack of professionals, and our contrary fear/ fascination of
sex. Only by approaching the subject openly and honestly can we have any hope of preventing sexual violence.
Imagine that, promoting empathy and accountability in those who have sexually offended is "sickening?" That's nothing, check out these two "pro-sex offender" books I promote on my "recommended media" page:
http://www.oncefallen.com/multimedia.html
HANDBOOK FOR SEXUAL ABUSER ASSESSMENT AND TREATMENT (2001) BY: Mark S.
Carich, Ph. D., and Steven E. Mussack, Ph. D.
Description: (From the Safer Society Press) Safer Society is pleased to publish this long-awaited
compendium. With chapters from William Marshall, Robert McGrath, Emily Coleman, James
Haaven, Alvin Lewis, Laren Bays, William Murphy, Peter Loss, Jerry Thomas, and Gary Lowe, as
well as from the editors and others, this volume provides an essential basic outline of
comprehensive treatment--the perfect introduction and reference volume that should be on every
clinician's shelf.Ordering Info: CLICK HERE to order from Safer Society Press or CLICK HERE to order from
Amazon.com. No Kindle version available.COMMENTS: A collection of articles on treatment, victim empathy, evaluating and treating
offenders, and other issues related to treating offenders.
HELPING VICTIMS OF SEXUAL ABUSE (2006) BY: Lynn Heitritter and Jeanette Vought
Description: (From the publisher) How do we minister to victims of sexual abuse? It's a difficult
problem for Christian communities. This solidly biblical and sensitive guide is packed full of helpful
information that provides a valuable perspective on how abuse affects children and the family
dynamics that play into its development. As well, readers will also discover practical tools that can
lead adult victims into full recovery in Christ. Required reading for everyone who wants to bring
meaningful ministry to those affected by sexual abuse.Ordering Info: CLICK HERE to order from Bethany House or CLICK HERE to order from Amazon.
com. Kindle Version Available!COMMENTS: This is a good book on helping victims of sexual abuse recover from the effects of
the abuse from a Christian perspective, and it deals with many issues dealing with forgiveness and
views of God following abuse.
Oh yeah, my front page disclaimer:
ONCE FALLEN DISCLAIMERS
The purpose of this site is to educate the public on the truth on sex offender
laws and to offer support and guidance to those accused or convicted of sex
crimes. This site does not promote, condone, or tolerate illegal activities
nor any "pro-pedophile" agenda or groups such as NAMBLA. This site
DOES believe in punishment for illicit sexual activity, so long as it is coupled
with treatment and Restorative Justice. This site promotes education and
prevention programs coupled with treatment and successful reintegration of
those who have served their sentences as the only effective method for the
successful reduction in sexual violence.
An example from this blog:
http://once-fallen.blogspot.com/2009/11/of-myths-and-monsters-plague-of-sex.html
Most importantly, we need to honor victims by helping victims of sex crimes overcome the crimes committed against them. These days, if a victim forgives his or her attacker, many people look at them like they are crazy. What good does keeping victims thinking about what happened to them and the guilt and anger they feel rather than dealing with those feelings? The result is many more lives remain broken rather than healed, making them lifelong victims rather than “Thrivers.”
Helping victims of sexual abuse overcome the negative effects of the abuse is also sickening? Somehow I don't think people see it that way. I am winning this round.
Here's an interesting comment Trollanda makes in the same post: He objected to our remark that all sex offenders should literally be branded as such.
Ironically enough, children have been targeted because of Trollanda's mentality. In fact, we've put children themselves (some as young as age 9) on the public registry:
http://www.solresearch.org/~SOLR/rprt/JSOs.htm
http://www.oncefallen.com/CriminalizingTeenSex.html
But we also forget that family members and even children of registrants are also attacked:
http://www.opd.ohio.gov/AWA_Information/AW_levenson_family_impact_study.pdf
Family members living with an RSO were more likely to experience threats and
harassment by neighbors. Children of RSOs reportedly experienced adverse consequences
including stigmatization and differential treatment by teachers and classmates. More than half
had experienced ridicule, teasing, depression, anxiety, fear, or anger. Unintended consequences
can impact family members’ ability to support RSOs in their efforts to avoid recidivism and
successfully reintegrate.
harassment by neighbors. Children of RSOs reportedly experienced adverse consequences
including stigmatization and differential treatment by teachers and classmates. More than half
had experienced ridicule, teasing, depression, anxiety, fear, or anger. Unintended consequences
can impact family members’ ability to support RSOs in their efforts to avoid recidivism and
successfully reintegrate.
Has Trollanda not heard the expression "violence begets violence?"Has all the vigilante violence targeting those on the public registry impacted sex crime rates? The evidence states the opposite. (By the way, sign the "Stop Vigilante Violence Act HERE). Shoalanda Speaks out her tail end, apparently, while I continue to trump her arguments. Logue 2, Trollanda 0.
I guess I should tell her that calling me a "pedophile" is slander and makes her liable to being sued, seeing as how I not only have never been classified as such by Alabama, I have not had sex with a child nor have I been clinically diagnosed with pedophilia. Maybe Trollanda needs to get her facts from people OTHER than Pensacola sex offender Clay "Roar For Truth" Keys and Sheffield Prosecutor BT Gardner (I wonder is Shoalanda supports Gardner's defense of a man accused of rape. Hm). Logue 3, Trollanda 0.
Trollanda's obsession with me is so great, she comments on my move to Cincinnati for budget reasons. Yes, Sheffield, Alabama utilities exceed Cincinnati's by at least twice as much. But you see, I only moved to The Shoals because I was engaged. It fell through, so I saw no reason to stay in a place lacking public transportation and extremely isolated from the modern world. Sorry, Trollanda, not everyone finds your isolated community a nice place to live, especially the large numbers of young people leaving it for greener pastures. Only an idiot like Shoalanda can't do the math. Logue 4, Trollanda 0.
Another Trollanda rant: Logue would like us to believe that he and others like him are changed. What his writings actually do is portray such a twisted individual that we can't blame those who live nearby this Sheffield "activist" for wanting rid of him.
I don't care about being disliked by neighbors in that cesspool of depravity. There is a reason The Shoals is a dying, withering community. It is funny to suggest my writings make me twisted. If I am twisted for saying sex offender laws need reform, then what does that say about all those people (Shoalanda included) who advocate violence, mutilation, and murder? Shoalanda wants to brand people, after all. I have always found it ironic that the very people who advocate for the end of violence advocate violent actions to promote their cause. I'm winning again, 5-0.
Well, to Shoalanda Speaks's credit, she does make a couple of disclaimers:
the rumor mill can't dissolve many facts:
FACT: I have been out of prison over eight years and have not been accused of any sex crimes.
FACT: I have been given a partial pardon from the State of Alabama since the state looks at my actually actions, not what online trolls like Shoalanda thinks of me.
FACT: Despite how Trollanda Spews her filth and makes implied threats, I can move back to The Shoals if I wanted to. However, I didn't like it any time BEFORE I was added to the public registry, feel free to ask my ex-wife/ fiancee BRANDI, who Shoalanda targeted in her blog last year. Shoalanda put a mother and child in harm's way without a thought. Careless? Yes. Stupid? Without a doubt. My beef with her stemmed from attacking Brandi, not her criticism of me. Now, I can care less. But unlike her, I'm not afraid of being public. Again, I am winning.
Shoalanda is not the first or last who will try to slander, discredit, or bully me into submission. I'm still here, and most of my detractors are gone (WASP Ohio, Wikisposure, and certain other random 3 am phone callers). Charlie Sheen is goofy, but I like some of his quotes. Love me or hate me, I continue to win.
PS: According to Alexa.com, I'm beating Trollanda there too:
Shoalanda Speaks: Rank #10,348,935
Once Fallen: Rank# 4,057,021
My anti-AZU blog: #5,095,681
This Once-Fallen blog: #4,611,504
Take that, Trollanda! Tell that to Karen.
Friday, April 29, 2011
GEO Group and the Big Prison industry
“What happens if you privatize prisons is that you have a large industry with a vested interest in building ever-more prisons.” -- Molly Ivins (Pulitzer prize-winning Reporter and author), 2003
I have never cared much for the stock market. I am usually more concerned with ERAs than IRAs, and Fox Sports than Fox Business. However, two things piqued my sudden interest in that otherwise dull subject: crooked lobbyist Ron Book lobbying for expanding private prisons in South Florida, and seeing billboards in Texas advertising for GEO Group.
What is GEO Group? GEO Group, once known as Wackenhut Corrections Corporation, is a private prison business. A for-profit industry. A private prison with stock you can buy. Amazingly enough, GEO Group's stock is actually on par or higher than many other high-profile companies that many of us actually use every day:
Stock Quotes as of April 29, 2011
GEO Group, Private Prison Industry -- 26.68
GE, Appliance and mechanics industry -- 20.45
Pfizer, Prescription drugs -- 20.97
Ford, car maker -- 15.47
Microsoft, computer software -- 25.92
Yahoo! Search engine -- 17.46
Kroger, grocery stores -- 24.31
(as an aside, GEO is beating Corrections Corporation of America, its larger rival -- 24.89)
Interestingly, GEO Group's stock jumped significantly from about 5.00 back in 2003, spiked over 30.00 in late 2007, dropped as low as 14.00 in 2009, and now it is nearly at 30.00 again as of writing this article.
What's the big deal about privatizing prisons? You ask? Think about that quote by Molly Ivins.
First off, in any industry, there are businesses available that compete for your money. Now, I admit economics is not my forte. However, I know that Wal-Mart has been given a reputation of being the big bully company that wipes out small town businesses and imposing a monopoly in many small towns across the USA. GEO Group is growing. It has acquired Correctional Service Corporation in 2005, Cornell Corrections in 2010, and Behavioral Interventions (an electronic monitoring company) in 2011.
Being the lowest bidder generally means cutting corners. GEO Group has amassed over half a million in fines alone while maintaining a severely understaffed facility and paying guards just a cut above minimum wage. There have been been numerous complaints of inmate abuse and poor conditions in the private prisons, but since they are "just prison inmates, who cares, right? Getting back to Ron Book's South Florida, when GEO Group was known as Wackenhut, the state was overcharged by millions, which all came out of taxpayer wallets. In fact, the former Florida head of Wackenhut was recently arrested for racketeering. Considering Ron Book's track record of corruption and controversy, it is no surprise he lobbies for such a group. What's next? Maybe he'll represent the Bad News Bengals next.
Who cares, right? Think about it. The US has the largest prison population in the world in terms of numbers and per capita rates. An astounding 3.1% of adults in the US have criminal records, and one out of every 99 US adults are incarcerated right now. It is little wonder why prison is a big industry; after in, in many states, spending on prisons compete or exceed the funding for education. Most of these people are going to get out only to be socially ostracized to the point where committing crimes become almost a necessary survival component. There is no incentive to rehabilitate the offender, because no repeat customers is bad for the industry. You merely make a prisoner a better criminal. That, my friends, is Capitalism at its finest.
Feel free to check out the following sites for more on the pitfalls of privatization of the prison system:
http://www.privateci.org/index.html
http://www.texasprisonbidness.org/
As an aside, I wonder why the USA only tends to rank high on the bad stats. We are getting beat in many positive areas by European nations. Norway's prisons are so much unlike America's prisons. I wonder why Norway's crime rate is so much lower than ours. Could it be tough on crime is backfiring?
I have never cared much for the stock market. I am usually more concerned with ERAs than IRAs, and Fox Sports than Fox Business. However, two things piqued my sudden interest in that otherwise dull subject: crooked lobbyist Ron Book lobbying for expanding private prisons in South Florida, and seeing billboards in Texas advertising for GEO Group.
What is GEO Group? GEO Group, once known as Wackenhut Corrections Corporation, is a private prison business. A for-profit industry. A private prison with stock you can buy. Amazingly enough, GEO Group's stock is actually on par or higher than many other high-profile companies that many of us actually use every day:
Stock Quotes as of April 29, 2011
GEO Group, Private Prison Industry -- 26.68
GE, Appliance and mechanics industry -- 20.45
Pfizer, Prescription drugs -- 20.97
Ford, car maker -- 15.47
Microsoft, computer software -- 25.92
Yahoo! Search engine -- 17.46
Kroger, grocery stores -- 24.31
(as an aside, GEO is beating Corrections Corporation of America, its larger rival -- 24.89)
Interestingly, GEO Group's stock jumped significantly from about 5.00 back in 2003, spiked over 30.00 in late 2007, dropped as low as 14.00 in 2009, and now it is nearly at 30.00 again as of writing this article.
What's the big deal about privatizing prisons? You ask? Think about that quote by Molly Ivins.
First off, in any industry, there are businesses available that compete for your money. Now, I admit economics is not my forte. However, I know that Wal-Mart has been given a reputation of being the big bully company that wipes out small town businesses and imposing a monopoly in many small towns across the USA. GEO Group is growing. It has acquired Correctional Service Corporation in 2005, Cornell Corrections in 2010, and Behavioral Interventions (an electronic monitoring company) in 2011.
Being the lowest bidder generally means cutting corners. GEO Group has amassed over half a million in fines alone while maintaining a severely understaffed facility and paying guards just a cut above minimum wage. There have been been numerous complaints of inmate abuse and poor conditions in the private prisons, but since they are "just prison inmates, who cares, right? Getting back to Ron Book's South Florida, when GEO Group was known as Wackenhut, the state was overcharged by millions, which all came out of taxpayer wallets. In fact, the former Florida head of Wackenhut was recently arrested for racketeering. Considering Ron Book's track record of corruption and controversy, it is no surprise he lobbies for such a group. What's next? Maybe he'll represent the Bad News Bengals next.
Who cares, right? Think about it. The US has the largest prison population in the world in terms of numbers and per capita rates. An astounding 3.1% of adults in the US have criminal records, and one out of every 99 US adults are incarcerated right now. It is little wonder why prison is a big industry; after in, in many states, spending on prisons compete or exceed the funding for education. Most of these people are going to get out only to be socially ostracized to the point where committing crimes become almost a necessary survival component. There is no incentive to rehabilitate the offender, because no repeat customers is bad for the industry. You merely make a prisoner a better criminal. That, my friends, is Capitalism at its finest.
Feel free to check out the following sites for more on the pitfalls of privatization of the prison system:
http://www.privateci.org/index.html
http://www.texasprisonbidness.org/
As an aside, I wonder why the USA only tends to rank high on the bad stats. We are getting beat in many positive areas by European nations. Norway's prisons are so much unlike America's prisons. I wonder why Norway's crime rate is so much lower than ours. Could it be tough on crime is backfiring?
Wednesday, April 20, 2011
Mismatch dot com: How Carole Markin hoodwinked America
I have been writing constantly over the past few years about how when you put the words "sex" and "offender" side by side, it kills any rationality of otherwise rational people. The recent story of Carole Markin is just another prime example of this example. Markin was formerly known as the "Jane Doe" in the Match.com lawsuit claiming the man she met online sexually assaulted her, and later discovered he was on the sex offender registry. It came as no surprise amidst the usual "kill/castrate/banish all sex offenders" comments was the typical fear mongering over internet predation. As a result, Match.com announced it will match new and existing customers against the national sex offender registry. Match.com saves face, crisis is averted, Match.com customers feel safer, and Carole Markin raises awareness of another fear. Case closed, right? Not hardly.

I always wondered why the accuser in the lawsuit was listed as a "Jane Doe" but announced she was a Hollywood executive. So the moment she revealed herself as Carole Markin, I was interested enough to run a Google search on her. I was amazed at what popped up. The first thing I found was a press release written by Markin herself:
I thought comparing herself to Erin Brockovich was ironic, since the movie conjures images of Julia Roberts in a push-up bra using sexuality to advance her career (which is somewhat true, as Erin was a former beauty queen). Brockovich is also a shameless self promoter. Says Brockovich of herself:
Must just be the norm in Hollywood. At any rate, I also found it interesting that she put a resume in a press release:
About Carole Markin
It is funny with all those "accolades" her work as an author was glossed over. I'm curious about her reality show, but there isn't much info on it yet. However, she has two books out in the market. Both focus on stories about dates from hell--Bad Dates: Celebrities and other talented types reveal their worst nights out, and a sequel, More Bad Dates: And Other Tales of the Dark Side of Love. It seems a little too coincidental if you ask me. Maybe I'm missing something here but how many rich Hollywood types both with internet dating? I hate to speak ill of internet dating, but most people use it out of desperation.

While she attributes the revelations of Wurtzel's identity via a Google search, he is NOT listed on the public sex offender registry. It is odd that Markin claimed on the Today Show that now she got the info through the LA Sheriff's Office rather than the Google search (CA Megan's law does not list low-level offenders publicly). Then she mentioned she didn't have his full name later in the Today show interview. How did she Google him without a full name? There are a lot of holes in her testimony.
Markin does mention a LA Sheriff's Office investigation as a reason for not stepping forward sooner, yet the LA Sheriff's Office has made a habit of sending press releases requesting info leading to conviction of those accused of sex crimes.
A friend of mine raised a good point with me yesterday--why was she really going by a Jane Doe in the first place? Markin claims it was because of the ongoing LA Sheriff's Department investigation, yet the early reports already shed light on the accuser's background as a "Hollywood Executive." Perhaps she knew the skepticism would have come sooner if we all knew she writes stories of bad dates and is trying to get a reality show. It still reeks of Erin Brockovich-like self-promotion.
Her testimony is suspect at best. There should be an investigation into her as much as Wurtzel just to be fair. While the media is slowly revealing this information to the public, it seems modern journalism has skipped the old tenants of the trade-- check the facts, rechecking them, and after that is done check them a third time. To Markin's credit, however, it is amazing what a simple Google search can reveal about a person. In this case, two people with a questionable history.
More info on false accusations from the "Erin Brockovich of sex offender laws": http://www.oncefallen.com/falseallegations.html

I always wondered why the accuser in the lawsuit was listed as a "Jane Doe" but announced she was a Hollywood executive. So the moment she revealed herself as Carole Markin, I was interested enough to run a Google search on her. I was amazed at what popped up. The first thing I found was a press release written by Markin herself:
Information contained on this page is provided by companies via press release distributed through PR Newswire, an independent third-party content provider. PR Newswire, WorldNow and this Station make no warranties or representations in connection therewith.
SOURCE Carole Markin
NEW YORK, April 19, 2011 /PRNewswire/ -- Media Giants -- HMR -- The "Hollywood executive Jane Doe" in the Jane Doe v. Match.com civil suit [L.A. Superior Court Case BC458927], took a very heroic step forward this morning, as she appeared unmasked while revealing her identity on NBC's "Today" and ABC's "Good Morning America." Jane Doe's real name is Carole Markin. Ms. Markin, a Harvard College graduate, is a former executive, a film and TV producer, screenwriter and published author. She asserts she was brutally sexually assaulted by another Match.com member named Alan Paul Wurtzel, who had been convicted six separate times for sexual battery. Felony charges against Mr. Wurtzel are pending in Los Angeles Superior Court [Case # BA373188]. Today, Ms. Markin is being hailed widely as the "Erin Brockovich of Online Dating" for her valor and key role in Match.com's purported move to begin checking existing and new subscribers against the national sex offender registry within the next 60-90 days.I thought comparing herself to Erin Brockovich was ironic, since the movie conjures images of Julia Roberts in a push-up bra using sexuality to advance her career (which is somewhat true, as Erin was a former beauty queen). Brockovich is also a shameless self promoter. Says Brockovich of herself:
Say the name Erin Brockovich and you think, strong, tough, stubborn and sexy. Erin is all that and definitely more. She is a modern-day “David” who loves a good brawl with today’s “Goliaths”.
Must just be the norm in Hollywood. At any rate, I also found it interesting that she put a resume in a press release:
About Carole Markin
Carole Markin is a producer, screenwriter and author with more than 20 years experience in entertainment. Ms. Markin served as producer on "Accumulations" and associate producer on the series pilot "Trying Times," both directed by Oscar winner Jonathan Demme. Her film, "From Harlem to Harvard," which she produced and co-directed, won a Cable Ace Award and an NEA grant. Her work in television also included the role of Manager of National Program Development for KCET. From 1989 to 1991 Ms. Markin held the titles of Vice President and then President of the Independent Feature Project/West and was also Chairman of the "Spirit Awards" nominating committee. Ms. Markin is creator and executive producer of a reality series currently optioned by Conrad Riggs, which is being sold internationally and set up in China, as a joint venture. Markin is a Magna Cum Laude, Phi Beta Kappa graduate of Harvard College. She earned her MBA at the Anderson School at UCLA. Ms. Markin was also a directing fellow at the American Film Institute.
It is funny with all those "accolades" her work as an author was glossed over. I'm curious about her reality show, but there isn't much info on it yet. However, she has two books out in the market. Both focus on stories about dates from hell--Bad Dates: Celebrities and other talented types reveal their worst nights out, and a sequel, More Bad Dates: And Other Tales of the Dark Side of Love. It seems a little too coincidental if you ask me. Maybe I'm missing something here but how many rich Hollywood types both with internet dating? I hate to speak ill of internet dating, but most people use it out of desperation.

While she attributes the revelations of Wurtzel's identity via a Google search, he is NOT listed on the public sex offender registry. It is odd that Markin claimed on the Today Show that now she got the info through the LA Sheriff's Office rather than the Google search (CA Megan's law does not list low-level offenders publicly). Then she mentioned she didn't have his full name later in the Today show interview. How did she Google him without a full name? There are a lot of holes in her testimony.
Markin does mention a LA Sheriff's Office investigation as a reason for not stepping forward sooner, yet the LA Sheriff's Office has made a habit of sending press releases requesting info leading to conviction of those accused of sex crimes.
A friend of mine raised a good point with me yesterday--why was she really going by a Jane Doe in the first place? Markin claims it was because of the ongoing LA Sheriff's Department investigation, yet the early reports already shed light on the accuser's background as a "Hollywood Executive." Perhaps she knew the skepticism would have come sooner if we all knew she writes stories of bad dates and is trying to get a reality show. It still reeks of Erin Brockovich-like self-promotion.
Her testimony is suspect at best. There should be an investigation into her as much as Wurtzel just to be fair. While the media is slowly revealing this information to the public, it seems modern journalism has skipped the old tenants of the trade-- check the facts, rechecking them, and after that is done check them a third time. To Markin's credit, however, it is amazing what a simple Google search can reveal about a person. In this case, two people with a questionable history.
More info on false accusations from the "Erin Brockovich of sex offender laws": http://www.oncefallen.com/falseallegations.html
Monday, March 21, 2011
Idiocracy: The Art of Lobbying

This is legislative season, so many registered citizens are looking at the prospect of new legislation targeting their lives. Members of online activist groups have begun fighting back and going to legislative hearings on all levels of government.
There is one little thing people must understand about politics-- elections are popularity contests. Remember-- you don't have to be a medical examiner to be the county coroner. You don't need degrees to say "Yay" or "Nay" to a piece of legislation. Hell, you don't even have to read the bill to vote on it (though that could soon change).
In a little bit of irony, I quote the Fox News story news link written by possibly one of the one Fox employees with a working brain, Radley Balko:
"Most Americans think their elected representatives in Congress deliberate and debate the costs and benefits of a bill before voting it into law. Unfortunately, most members don't even read the laws they pass. Neither do their staffs. Instead, they more often than not rely on summaries prepared by the bill's authors, or by interest groups whose judgment they trust. Rep. Brian Baird, D-Wash., wrote a remarkable op-ed in the Washington Post last weekend titled "We Need to Read the Bills." By "we," Baird meant "Congress;" by "bills," he meant the laws Congress passes every day and expects you and me to follow."
I want to remind you-- politics is a popularity contest. Popularity does not equal effectiveness (As actor, Arnold Schwarzenegger made millions; as Governor, California LOST billions). In fact, many of them are downright dumb. We might want to keep that in mind we have to talk on their level. Someone told me there are a few differences between Republicans and Democrats-- Republicans are motivated by money, and Democrats are motivated by emotions. Both could use a little education. We have to cater to them. Consider the following lesson from the movie "Idiocracy," and remember we are dealing with people who rarely read and analyze a bill.
Sunday, February 20, 2011
Once Fallen is officially Y10K Compliant!
I am quite the procrastinator. The year 2000 has come and gone but I am just now reading the definitive book on preparing for this potential global threat known as Y2K. Better late than never! Do you remember the night of January 31, 1999? When the clock struck midnight, pacemakers stopped working, planes dropped out of the sky, nuclear weapons fired on their own and wiped out large portions of the world, machines rebelled against humans, the apocalypse begun, and we are fending for our lives in a post-apocalyptic world roving from abandoned city to abandoned city fending of zombie hordes while searching for rapidly dwindling resources. Ah, those were the days! Okay, none of this stuff really happened. However, I remember the time when the so-called Millennium Bug filled the nightly news with fear-laden stories about what will happen to the world because some computers only had two spaces to represent the year. Thus it would reset to 00, freak out, and crash, with hilarity ensuing. Apparently the only things to freak out and crash with hilarious results were the panicky people who bought into this crap.Reading this book is funny today, but before 2000, people were taking this issue seriously. After all, this book retailed for $24.95 in 1998 and was once a New York Times Bestseller (My copy says so on the cover). I paid just a dollar for it last year, so I got it at quite the bargain. Besides, since all of our computers recognize years in 4 digits, it is never too early to prepare for the year 10,000. Imagine the chaos that will occur on December 31, 9999, when spaceships will drop out of the sky and service robots go awry a la Maximum Overdrive. Or maybe the computers will see the date as January 1, AD 0, and start taxing people in Roman Denarius. But I digress.
The whole point of this is to point out our absurdity in dealing with perceived crises in this country. Think about how many crises we've had since then, such as swine flu. The great epidemic didn't happen. A few people got sick and died, but a few was far short of the millions predicted.
Sex offenses are viewed in the same way. We look at the rare heartbreaking tragedies as anything but the rare tragedies they are. John Walsh once testified before Congress our country is "littered with mutilated, decapitated, raped, and strangled children." The media replays these stories night after night, and terms like "epidemic" are used to describe the prevalence. Laws have been passed and enforced according to the fear we have experienced. Fear ebbs and flows. There was a similar panic after World War 2, followed by a swing of the pendulum in the other direction, but now we have swung back to the panic of the post WW2 era. What will it wake to wake people up to the truth? Or should we just shrink back to out Y2K bunkers. Yeah, I know some of you built them. I think I'll take my chances and stay out of the bunkers.
Wednesday, January 26, 2011
Okay, I'm ready to start working again
After four long months of battling depression, a psychotic ex-fiancee, the loss of my mother, and a move to Cincinnati, I am ready to settle down and get back to work
I had a lot of time to step back and see a lot of sights I have never seen before. My mother wanted to travel, so I've taken her ashes with me while I visited some old familiar places, along with new places she would have enjoyed.
I walked the pier at Newport Beach, California. I took my mom to the Crystal Cathedral in Anaheim. I sampled fresh cheese at the Tillamook cheese factory. I ate frog legs in a restaurant my mom used to work at in my hometown. I watched the sun set on the Pacific ocean along the rocky Oregon coastline. I grew a collection of postcards, key chains, and refrigerator magnets of these places I visited. I've even discovered a penchant for taking photographs.
Mom liked seeing new places. There were many places she never seen, nor have I until recently. Thanks to those I have befriended in recent months, I've had the opportunity to do something I never had before. In a way, mom was there to see it, too.
With renewed strength, I return to work. This year should see new projects from the Once Fallen brand name, including a revised version of my groundbreaking book. Those of us who work to fight these laws should take the time to get out of the house and try something new, or at least something you enjoy. I feel better today than I have at any point in 2010. I think it is important to keep refreshed and well rested.
I had a lot of time to step back and see a lot of sights I have never seen before. My mother wanted to travel, so I've taken her ashes with me while I visited some old familiar places, along with new places she would have enjoyed.
I walked the pier at Newport Beach, California. I took my mom to the Crystal Cathedral in Anaheim. I sampled fresh cheese at the Tillamook cheese factory. I ate frog legs in a restaurant my mom used to work at in my hometown. I watched the sun set on the Pacific ocean along the rocky Oregon coastline. I grew a collection of postcards, key chains, and refrigerator magnets of these places I visited. I've even discovered a penchant for taking photographs.
Mom liked seeing new places. There were many places she never seen, nor have I until recently. Thanks to those I have befriended in recent months, I've had the opportunity to do something I never had before. In a way, mom was there to see it, too.
With renewed strength, I return to work. This year should see new projects from the Once Fallen brand name, including a revised version of my groundbreaking book. Those of us who work to fight these laws should take the time to get out of the house and try something new, or at least something you enjoy. I feel better today than I have at any point in 2010. I think it is important to keep refreshed and well rested.
Thursday, December 23, 2010
Mother's final gift
I got on my bicycle yesterday and rode thirty miles to the small town where I spent a large part of my childhood. Since I'm moving away from Alabama permanently I figured this would be my final opportunity to see my old home. That was not my only reason for going.
My mother recently passed away. Before she died, we had talked about writing a book together, sharing our experiences of adjusting to life in small town Alabama. Mom was from Canada so she stood out like a sore thumb. However, she made many friends in that small town over the years. There were a lot of memories that went to the grave with her. After all, I was only five when we left big city Baltimore for rural Alabama. I saw this as a final opportunity to summon long lost memories of the distant past.
I have struggled with my faith over the past few months, but a couple of events that occurred during this trip led me to believe someone was watching over me. Perhaps it was my mother's spirit. I felt it once before right after mom had died, a firm hand pressing against my leg in the middle of the night, like someone trying to wake me up from my slumber.
My first sign came as I took a detour off the main highway to visit my aunt's old house. My step-aunt is still alive-- she has Parkinson's and lives in a nursing home. The house was being renovated and sits abandoned. Next door was my other step-aunt and uncle's house. They died years ago. The two houses sat empty, but still looked like it did when I was a child. On the other side of my aunt's old house was a new house, built barely a year ago in what used to be a wooded area I played in and picked muscadine grapes. A man in a silver Rio was pulling out of the driveway of the new house.
I flagged this man down and asked him if anyone was currently staying in the house. He seemed a bit wary at first until I explained my relation with the woman who used to live in the house. I introduced myself and told him about my mother and my book. Coincidentally, he was heading to Decatur via Moulton so he would pass right by where I needed to go, and he offered to take me to my destination. After two long hours of bike riding, I was a little sore, so I accepted the lift.
Along the way, he asked me if I believed in God. I told him I was struggling because of recent events, including losing my mother. He asked me if I believe in angels. I told him since I was Catholic I believe in guardian angels. I also believe angels can take the form of regular people. He responded "You never know. I could be an angel in disguise for all you know." He dropped me off at my first destination, just up the street from the home I lived in for a quarter of my life. The guy was illiterate and could not remember his address but he drew me a map to his residence. He drew a very familiar map, a corner of two intersections that was very familiar to me. He lived just across the street from my first home after we moved to Alabama! Call it what you want-- a coincidence, divine intervention, a sign-- but I want to believe there was a reason for this meeting.
I visited many places I remember from my childhood-- both houses we lived in, the old pizza parlor where mom used to work (it is now a seafood restaurant), the car lot where my step-dad worked (abandoned but still standing), and a few of our favorite places to stop in town, some of which still stood.
My first house was abandoned years ago and it is set to be torn down. I went next door, and it turns out the same people have lived there for over 30 years, and they remembered me. They invited me inside and listened to my story. I found my second coincidence when they mentioned their son, who went to school with me, lives in Cincinnati, my home of seven years. Thankfully, on top of showing me hospitality, they were also the people keeping tabs on my old house. I was allowed the chance to enter my old house.
My old house was in shambles. However, I was still able to find my old room, and the great oak tree still beckoned to the open window. When I was a child, I tamed a squirrel who lived in the big oak tree, and he'd come in through the window and cuddle up next to me. A flood of memories returned, and for the first time in weeks, I felt peace.
I spent the day stopping at place after place and reliving the memories of my childhood. My third "sign" came when I stopped by the house I lived in for 8 years. There is a small wooded area near the house I lived in, and in those woods is a stream. My brother and I played in that stream. We even had a favorite spot we called "Sacred Rock." It was a large round sandstone rock that resembled an altar, hence the name. I had broken off a piece of that rock and placed it in a small plastic bag. The bag fell out of my pocket in the driveway of my old house. I didn't notice until I was a mile down the road that I lost it. I returned to my house to retrieve it when it dawned on me-- I forgot to scatter some of mom's remains here. I believe again this happened for a reason.
I returned just moments ago to write this entry. I'm tired and chances are I will be sore. After all, I spent roughly 16 hours and rode about 100 miles on a bicycle. However, I wouldn't have traded this trip for the world. I was able to fulfill a promise and a desire. I left a part of mom in the place that changed her life as well as mine.
I have a feeling mom knew her time was coming, and she left me this project. I have thought about why she left this to me. Now I see this project for what it was. This was mom's final gift to me. This gift is the one thing no one can ever take away from me-- not Brandi, not the criminal justice system, not the trolls, and not even a hateful, spiteful society. Mom wanted me to find the good memories and hold fast to them. For so many years, I've only looked at the negative aspects of my life-- after all, I'm still a registered individual, and the justice system and society are not kind on people with my label. However, when I rested last night, it was filled with the happier moments. Mom wanted to remind me of those moments. She knew I would figure out what to do with that gift. She knew I would not let this book die with her.
Somehow I think she's still watching over me.
My mother recently passed away. Before she died, we had talked about writing a book together, sharing our experiences of adjusting to life in small town Alabama. Mom was from Canada so she stood out like a sore thumb. However, she made many friends in that small town over the years. There were a lot of memories that went to the grave with her. After all, I was only five when we left big city Baltimore for rural Alabama. I saw this as a final opportunity to summon long lost memories of the distant past.
I have struggled with my faith over the past few months, but a couple of events that occurred during this trip led me to believe someone was watching over me. Perhaps it was my mother's spirit. I felt it once before right after mom had died, a firm hand pressing against my leg in the middle of the night, like someone trying to wake me up from my slumber.
My first sign came as I took a detour off the main highway to visit my aunt's old house. My step-aunt is still alive-- she has Parkinson's and lives in a nursing home. The house was being renovated and sits abandoned. Next door was my other step-aunt and uncle's house. They died years ago. The two houses sat empty, but still looked like it did when I was a child. On the other side of my aunt's old house was a new house, built barely a year ago in what used to be a wooded area I played in and picked muscadine grapes. A man in a silver Rio was pulling out of the driveway of the new house.
I flagged this man down and asked him if anyone was currently staying in the house. He seemed a bit wary at first until I explained my relation with the woman who used to live in the house. I introduced myself and told him about my mother and my book. Coincidentally, he was heading to Decatur via Moulton so he would pass right by where I needed to go, and he offered to take me to my destination. After two long hours of bike riding, I was a little sore, so I accepted the lift.
Along the way, he asked me if I believed in God. I told him I was struggling because of recent events, including losing my mother. He asked me if I believe in angels. I told him since I was Catholic I believe in guardian angels. I also believe angels can take the form of regular people. He responded "You never know. I could be an angel in disguise for all you know." He dropped me off at my first destination, just up the street from the home I lived in for a quarter of my life. The guy was illiterate and could not remember his address but he drew me a map to his residence. He drew a very familiar map, a corner of two intersections that was very familiar to me. He lived just across the street from my first home after we moved to Alabama! Call it what you want-- a coincidence, divine intervention, a sign-- but I want to believe there was a reason for this meeting.
I visited many places I remember from my childhood-- both houses we lived in, the old pizza parlor where mom used to work (it is now a seafood restaurant), the car lot where my step-dad worked (abandoned but still standing), and a few of our favorite places to stop in town, some of which still stood.
My first house was abandoned years ago and it is set to be torn down. I went next door, and it turns out the same people have lived there for over 30 years, and they remembered me. They invited me inside and listened to my story. I found my second coincidence when they mentioned their son, who went to school with me, lives in Cincinnati, my home of seven years. Thankfully, on top of showing me hospitality, they were also the people keeping tabs on my old house. I was allowed the chance to enter my old house.
My old house was in shambles. However, I was still able to find my old room, and the great oak tree still beckoned to the open window. When I was a child, I tamed a squirrel who lived in the big oak tree, and he'd come in through the window and cuddle up next to me. A flood of memories returned, and for the first time in weeks, I felt peace.
I spent the day stopping at place after place and reliving the memories of my childhood. My third "sign" came when I stopped by the house I lived in for 8 years. There is a small wooded area near the house I lived in, and in those woods is a stream. My brother and I played in that stream. We even had a favorite spot we called "Sacred Rock." It was a large round sandstone rock that resembled an altar, hence the name. I had broken off a piece of that rock and placed it in a small plastic bag. The bag fell out of my pocket in the driveway of my old house. I didn't notice until I was a mile down the road that I lost it. I returned to my house to retrieve it when it dawned on me-- I forgot to scatter some of mom's remains here. I believe again this happened for a reason.
I returned just moments ago to write this entry. I'm tired and chances are I will be sore. After all, I spent roughly 16 hours and rode about 100 miles on a bicycle. However, I wouldn't have traded this trip for the world. I was able to fulfill a promise and a desire. I left a part of mom in the place that changed her life as well as mine.
I have a feeling mom knew her time was coming, and she left me this project. I have thought about why she left this to me. Now I see this project for what it was. This was mom's final gift to me. This gift is the one thing no one can ever take away from me-- not Brandi, not the criminal justice system, not the trolls, and not even a hateful, spiteful society. Mom wanted me to find the good memories and hold fast to them. For so many years, I've only looked at the negative aspects of my life-- after all, I'm still a registered individual, and the justice system and society are not kind on people with my label. However, when I rested last night, it was filled with the happier moments. Mom wanted to remind me of those moments. She knew I would figure out what to do with that gift. She knew I would not let this book die with her.
Somehow I think she's still watching over me.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)




