2019, the year I found out who my true friends are... and my enemies (They're both WITHIN the cause)

We all need to vent at times at the risk of sounding like a pity party. Well here's mine-- for pretty much all of 2019, my life was been one tragedy after another. 

I believe most people see me as nothing but a resource and a worker bee for the cause, but not worth much else. Few people give me any thought except when they want questions answered. I correspond with hundreds of people seeking answers but when it was my time in need, I discovered who truly cares and who does not. 

On February 27, 2019, the apartment complex I lived in caught fire. I lost most of my worldly possessions and I was now out of a home. I received a $400 card from the Red Cross to get a hotel but I spent the first two days of being homeless trying to salvage what I could. It could have been worse but I was able to recover some belongings including my work files. The registry office was understanding and gave me about 5 days to do what I needed to do before checking in, and a local charity I supported returned the favor by storing my salvaged things for free. (I donated plenty of it to them in return even though they didn't ask me for anything.) A half dozen supporters of OnceFallen sent me some money to help, which amounted to about $600. Just after I got out and returned to Cincinnati to tie up loose ends, I heard from my nephew for the first time in years, only for him to pass away less than a week after connecting for the first time in years. 

Things got from bad to worse when I went in to register as homeless, as I was detained for a warrant out of Broward County for a theft I obviously did not do. Even those at the registration office found this ludicrous, they still had to do their job and arrest me. I would not find out the full accusation against me for three weeks until I suffered through transport to Florida. The accusation is laughable and my innocence can easily be proven. Anyone who knows me knows I've been chomping at the bit to show the world the proof, but I've been advised by my attorney not to do so, though my friends have seen the conclusive evidence personally. But I digress. 

(As a footnote, anyone who wonders how I managed to warn people of my impending arrest, the registry office let me make calls on my cell while trying to figure out if the warrant was valid, which took half an hour.) 

It should not come as a shock that the group of people who will mobilize the fastest are not your friends but your haters. Dwayne Daughtry, who works for the North Carolina chapter of NARSOL, felt it fitting to post my mugshot on social media, and in turn, two personal stalkers used my info to impersonate me while I was detained. This was followed by a barrage of false allegations from Daughtry and Michael McKay, NARSOL's "marketing director," whose only idea as marketing director is "#SOregistry" and making a registry of activists. They campaigned to delete my social media accounts and made false accusations that I "SWATTED" them. Plenty of idiots believed them instead of questioning whether the accusations were true or not. There have been other outlandish stories like claims I make thousands of dollars off my website and use the money to buy personal items. (At this point, I can't even raise the funds to pay the basic debts associated with providing the website and outreach that I do now, nor have I ever used OnceFallen money to buy anything not directly related to activism efforts.) My latest report shows that those efforts to discredit my work, and the blood, sweat, and tears I have poured into this cause over the years is not appreciated or supported by many people within this movement. 

So what I found out in 2019 is that MANY so-called registry reform activists were NOT truly people that were my friends or allies.

On the upside, during this time in my life, I also found out who my friends were. 

When I lost my apartment, a few activists sent me money to help me get back on my feet. 

When I was arrested, there were a number of activists who helped me. Members of FAC, WAR, SOSEN, and ACSOL reached out to help, along with a few individuals who helped support my efforts over the years. A couple of folks in particular helped get me a real attorney.

When I needed a place to stay, a fellow activist let me stay with him. 

My girlfriend was an activist for the cause for years before we even met, much less dated, and has stood with me through all of this. 

Another fellow activist who drives a truck picked up my possessions in Cincinnati and delivered them to rural Nebraska.

An elderly registrant who I helped when he got out of prison loaned me the bail money. (And yes I paid him back with my own money.) Quite frankly, if it wasn't for this man, I'd probably still be sitting in jail today still awaiting that dismissal. 

So what I found out in 2019 is that SOME (albeit less) registry reform activists ARE truly people I can lean on as friends and allies.

In 2019, I had to take plenty of time to think about this reform movement and whether I have a place in it at all.

When I look at the attacks against me that happened from people allegedly in this fight to reform the registry, and how I lost support because there are plenty of stupid people who blindly believe every rumor they hear on the Internet, then I think that I have wasted the past 14 years of my life.

Yes, I'm only a one-man operation, so the numbers of those I help annually number in the hundreds, not thousands or tens of thousands like the big groups are supposed to be doing. And most who contact me for help don't contribute to me or to the anti-registry community as a whole. Every move I've made from TV interviews to public awareness campaigns has been criticized far more than congratulated, mostly by armchair activists. 

I remember the near-universal condemnation for daring to take on Lauren Book for her efforts to keep Miami's registrant population homeless, and only a few individual activists stood by me, so what should have been a hundred strong turned into a dozen. I haven't forgotten that various NARSOL affiliates (ACSOL was still a NARSOL affiliate at the time) initially supported my efforts and even pledged to help but backed off because of just one person's objection. I haven't forgotten that and never will. 

So every year, I find myself looking to cut back my efforts. In the coming year, my focus is on my website and on expanding my prisoner outreach efforts. I have already stepped back from participation in other groups and have abandoned some projects like the ReFORM blogs. I have decided that I will no longer do videos (too much time on too little views). And if support for OnceFallen drops again this year, Once Fallen won't be renewed in 2021. But it'll always be on the Web Archive so there's that. 

If anyone is interested in acquiring my site, contact me at iamthefallen1@yahoo.com

HOWEVER...

I also look at the people who HAVE supported me over the years and that helps motivate me. 

When I was being hit with SLAPP suits by Senator Lauren Book and her northern doppelganger Laura Ahearn from PFML, I planned on taking these thugs on myself, but a couple of supporters went out of their way to find an attorney. And so far, the SLAPP suit by Lauren Book was defeated in the Florida Court of Appeals in August. 

As a one-man operation, my organization has never needed the funds of the larger efforts. Quite frankly I wouldn't know what do if someone left me thousands of dollars. In the 12 years of OnceFallen I only once received a thousand dollar donation, and not needing most of that money, donated it to other organizations that needed it more. I can safely say that when I do need resources for projects, support had come from a small number of people who believe in my efforts. And by small I estimate roughly three-fourths of donations to OnceFallen have come from roughly 20 people. They trust that their funds go directly into anti-registry activism. 

Of course, I'm encouraged when people call me and I find out my website was given to them by law enforcement, attorneys, and even a couple of prosecutors. I'm encouraged when my resources help someone. That keeps me going. 

I don't know what 2020 will bring. Thank you to my supporters, and to my haters, just keep on hating. I may be down but I'm not out just yet. But some of my worst enemies are not trolls, those pimping the registry, or even the Book Crime Family. No, sometimes the worst folks are those who are supposed to be allies. But within this movement are also some of my closest friends and allies.