Yesterday, I formally began my efforts to find someone to take over operations at my main website, OnceFallen.com. I created OnceFallen in December 2007, and for an entire decade, I have worked tirelessly to turn that website into one of the most vital resources on the Internet for people forced to register on the public "sex offender" registry.
My journey of 15 years as a registrant has not come easy for me. I have struggled with depression and anxiety all these years, yet I cannot trust the therapy industry due to the harm they have caused me over the years. I became an advocate because I struggled to make a life outside of prison and I wanted to help others that are about to face what many of us have faced over the years. You'd be amazed how fearful those currently incarcerated are about registration and the like.
I created OnceFallen.com initially to showcase my personal writing and sell an eBook to raise funds for bigger projects, but I also wanted the site to be a repository for information to help both activists and those looking for housing, employment info, and support. My site is antiquated but it has arguably the best consolidated info on a variety of subjects on the Internet. My site has grown to over twenty thousand monthly visitors and I have helped thousands of people find desperately needed resources. I have done this despite facing discrimination, harassment, and even threats of violence. I have done this in spite of the lack of support and the harsh criticism from other registrant activists over the years, and I don't just mean financially. At times, I've had to fight registry reformists with the same zeal as I fight those who want to round up registrants into concentration camps.
However, all this activism has taken a toll on my health. I was in my mid-20s. I jogged daily, ate right, and weighed 190. Now, I'm 41 and now I'm 255, I have sleep apnea and low-T, needing hormone replacement. I have frequent nightmares about being locked up for false allegations. I'm starting to experience chest pains and dizzy spells, and my energy level is extremely low. My health insurance is so bad that I haven't received new eyeglasses in 7 1/2 years and my skin is slowly corroding the titanium frames I bought myself back in 2010. Now my blood pressure is high and my legs have poor circulation. But yet, I still will myself to do my life's work.
It is a struggle for me to get out of bed every day, and when I do, I get to work on this issue, reading depressing news article after news article after news article. My email has become a constant stream of negative news. I hate reading constant stories of the latest atrocity committed against those who have served their sentences and are not allowed to live productive lives. I've dealt with more 3am death threats than you can shake a stick at, and I spend hours of my life answering calls, emails, and letters from people who are suffering like I'm suffering, if not worse. My life has truly really grown to revolve around this issue to the point that I have no life outside this issue whatsoever, except to play video games.
Up until now, only a handful of people even knew this has been going on. Despite all my personal struggles, I have spent 10 years trying to help as many registrants as I can. I tried in vain to encourage people to engage in bold activism. I still believe bold activism is the key, but I never had leadership qualities and have never had a desire to be a leader. OnceFallen isn't a group where I play King and my followers swear fealty; it is merely an informational site run by me with an occasional assist from supporters.
Despite the lack of support shown to OnceFallen over the years, OnceFallen has grown into a valuable resource. My only real talent besides beating hundreds of video games is my ability to compile massive amounts of info and consolidate it into the writings on my website. I've developed into a leading expert on the laws, used by attorneys, researchers, college students, the media, and even politicians. That is no small feat. I've dedicated over a decade to OnceFallen.com.
I don't want to abandon my work. However, the victim cult has pooled their resources to derail my activism, and taking me down (and with it, the OnceFallen website) has become a priority for them. Before that can happen, I want to relinquish the rights to the OnceFallen trademark and website. I want someone else to take over the website, modernize it for mobile use, and continue the work I have done the past 10 years. However, I do not want to just hand my website to anyone, no siree Bob! I want someone trustworthy to handle the work that needs to be done in the event I die or the victim cult succeeds in their efforts to silence me.
I don't just run a website. OnceFallen takes calls, letters, and emails regularly from people looking for support, housing, employment info and advice. You'll get complex questions, hear horror stories from people oppressed by the government, and even talk people out of suicide. You get interview or at least research assistance requests from college students, the media, attorneys, and the like. I engage in prison outreach, sending info and answering questions from prison inmates. To top it off, you do all this while being spit on by both the opposition to our cause and the very people you are trying to help.
If you think you can fill my shoes, then feel free to contact me at iamthefallen1@yahoo.com and we can discuss the proper way to transfer ownership of my website to you as well as my terms for turning over the website.
What does this mean for the anti-registry movement? Well, I might still be around, though in a different capacity than I have been over the past decade. I'm big enough to admit that my efforts to raise awareness and embolden people to become better activists did not go according to plan. I still believe sucking up to the cult of victimhood and acting self-righteous isn't helping matters, either, but I guess I can see why you folks are too afraid to take them on. They will win a war on attrition alone. We simply don't have the resources to take on the multimillionaire industry with our meager resources. It is like David fighting Goliath without the benefit of a sling and a stone.
I wanted to be a pro wrestler in my younger years. Recently, I watched one of my all-time favorite wrestlers, The Undertaker, retire. This man's persona was larger than life in the wrestling industry, but even a legend reaches the end of his in-ring career. But many wrestlers still maintain a presence after they retire from the ring, such as announcer or training new wrestlers or working the corporate office. Maybe I can still find a place in the movement. If not, I'd be content with spending the end of days in relative solitude and obscurity playing my video games. I never won a single award or accolade and I'll never be in anyone's hall of fame, but I don't care about all that, I served my purpose. I still have a few projects left in need of finishing. I simply do not abandon things I start, although I don't always finish them as quickly as I like.
I wanted to be a pro wrestler in my younger years. Recently, I watched one of my all-time favorite wrestlers, The Undertaker, retire. This man's persona was larger than life in the wrestling industry, but even a legend reaches the end of his in-ring career. But many wrestlers still maintain a presence after they retire from the ring, such as announcer or training new wrestlers or working the corporate office. Maybe I can still find a place in the movement. If not, I'd be content with spending the end of days in relative solitude and obscurity playing my video games. I never won a single award or accolade and I'll never be in anyone's hall of fame, but I don't care about all that, I served my purpose. I still have a few projects left in need of finishing. I simply do not abandon things I start, although I don't always finish them as quickly as I like.
To be honest, only pride and not wanting the enemy to declare victory over me giving up kept me going, but life is getting too short to fret over what a few worthless scumbags think about me. It is time that I start looking for things that make me happy. I have not had much joy in my life over the past 15 years. This registry and the discrimination and hate we receive as registered humans make me bitter and angry. The fact that most people on this list are too fearful in 2018 to speak out does not help my growing cynicism of my life's work. But in light of recent events, I can understand why these folks fear speaking out.
So here I stand at the crossroads, deciding what to do with the rest of my life. The question is, does anyone really feel at this point that my life's work is worth saving? I guess we will know the answer if my site is traded to someone else or if it is simply abandoned.
