Election Night Thriller (Yet another spoof song)

My first spoof song since the Shiitake Awards, I think. As heard on ARC Talk Radio on my birthday, Oct. 31, 2010 (yes I was really born on Halloween)!

ELECTION NIGHT THRILLER
(Sung to Michael Jackson's Thriller)

It's close to midnight/ And something evil's lurking on TV
Right now on primetime/ You see some crap you really can't believe
You Try to scream/ But you still can't drown out Ann Coulter's screeching
You start to freeze/ As Bill O'Reilly looks you in the eyes
Feeding you lies!

'Cause its a thriller, election night!
And no one's gonna save you from four more years of this tripe!
You know it's thriller, election night
Your fighting for your right to fight this killer, election night!

You change the channel/ But election cov'rage rules on every one
You feel a cold chill/ You're wondering who voted for this bum
You close your eyes/ And hope some people voted independent
But all the while/ You see another tally rolling in
You just can't win!

Cause it's a thriller, election night!
There ain't no chance he'll lose now with a lead that friggin' wide!
You know it's thriller, election night
You'll want to end your life here on this killer election night!

The votes are all tallied and evil ones cheer in their masquerade
There's no escape from the lies of the winners this time
Its the end of your life!

They're out to get you/ It feels there's nothing more that you can do
They'll raise your taxes/ but then again that's nothing new to you
Now is the time/ for us to move the heck out of this country
All through the night/ I'll push the car pedal to the floor
To reach the border!

'Cause its a thriller election night
And no one's gonna save you from the damn teabagger's strike
Yeah it's a thriller election night
So spread your cheeks real wide and take this-
-Killer, diller, chiller, thriller, election night!
It's a thriller election night
Those elephants and donkeys got you locked into their sights
Yes it's a thriller election night
So spread your cheeks real wide and take this killer, thriller, ow!

We're getting screwed tonight!

Darkness falls across the land
Election hour is close at hand
Creatures ponder for your votes
The night air fills with pundit's notes
And whosoever shall be found
An undecided voter still in town
Must stand and face the ballot from hell
And choose from two clowns he can't can't apart tell

The foulest stench is in the air
The funk of FOUR MORE YEARS!
And grisly laws from womb to tomb
Will be passed soon to seal your doom
And as you watch the nightly news
Your body starts to shiver
For no mere mortal can withstand
The evil election night thriller!

[Evil laugh]

Lets just lock 'em up now before they're grown!

The NPR recently reported that a judge reported that a four year old can be successfully sued in court for negligence. The case stemmed from a 4 year old running into an elderly lady with a tricycle, who fell down, broke her hip, and died. It is a sad situation, but the concept of suing a toddler for negligent death just shocks the conscience.

This pales in comparison to the current insanity related to sex crime panic. Children as young as age 3 have been suspended from school or even arrested for "sexual harassment:"


http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2007/10/19/AR2007101901544.html

-- I recently learned that children nationwide, some of preschool age, have been suspended from school or taken to jail after being accused of sexual harassment. In their zeal to avoid lawsuits, educators seem to be ignoring important information, such as whether the accused child intended to commit a crime or even knows how to pronounce the word "harassment..."

Consider these egregious examples: In December 2006, a 4-year-old boy in Waco, Tex., was punished with an in-school suspension after a female aide accused him of sexual harassment. According to a television station there, the child had hugged the woman while getting on the bus, and she later complained to administrators at La Vega Primary School that the child had put his face in her chest. School officials later agreed to remove sexual references but refused to expunge the "inappropriate physical contact" charge from the boy's school record. 

In my home state of Maryland, state data show that during the 2005-06 school year, 28 kindergartners were suspended for sex offenses, including 15 for sexual harassment.

Our fear of all things sexual has led to disastrous results. Why stop at age 4? Considering the USSA have the highest incarceration rates in the world, we could just turn our schools into prisons. Why stop there? Lets turn day care centers, nurseries, and even hospital delivery rooms into prisons as well.

At what point will the witch hunt end? I'm not sure. I wonder if that female teacher's aid understood the concept of "sexual harassment" any more than Beavis and Butt-head does.

We hear this mantra all the time: "If it saves just one child, then it is worth it." Is saving one child worth destroying countless lives in a hypersensitive witch hunt? You decide.

If I was a monster, then why...

Was Frankenstein's creation truly a MONSTER? We're all familiar with at least part of the story. Dr. Victor Frankenstein created an artificial being. He was freakish in appearance, and at times was very scary. He was abandoned by his creator, people were afraid of him and tried to kill him, and his quest for love and acceptance went unrequited. He was labeled a monster because he went after his creator in an act of vengeance, but felt remorse for his actions and took his own life. It was a tragic story, but "Frankenstein's monster" was not a monster.

I feel a common bond with this story. Frankenstein's creation was no monster. He was misunderstood. He was doomed from the start because he would always be seen as a freak in a society that judges based upon superficiality. He was aware he was seen as "broken." He wanted love and acceptance. He felt remorse for killing his creator. We judge him based upon fighting his creator, yet we forget the other aspects of the creation's personality.

Last month I wrote an article asking if I am a monster. Maybe I have a preconceived notion of what constitutes a "monster." We hear this a lot as registrants -- "Sex offenders think of nothing but sex. They do not have any feelings. They lack remorse/ empathy. Etc." In short, we lack the capacity to feel for anyone but ourselves.

If I was a monster...

Then why do I feel pain?

Why do I feel remorse for past wrongs I have done?

Why do I feel sad over losing my mother and fiancee?

Do monsters do these things? I pondered these things while I took a trip to Oregon. I watched the waves crash onto the rocky shores of Oregon as the sun set over the Pacific Ocean. I partook of the most heavenly brownies at Timberline Lodge on Mt. Hood, Tillamook cheese, and Marionberry Cobbler in various shops around Oregon. I shopped for Oregon Duck attire at Clackamas Mall. I stood in awe of the artsy buildings of downtown Portland. I stopped to smell the roses in Portland's famed Rose Garden. I felt the mist of Multnomah Falls land on my skin. I stood in awe of the devastation left by Mt. St. Helens 30 years ago. I spread mom's ashes at Mt. St Helens and the Pacific Coast at Manzanita. I enjoyed the beauty and diversity of the lands in Oregon, the nice people of Portland, and the feeling of experiencing something new and exciting. I was in good company, though I wish I could have shared this journey with my ex-fiancee.

Looking back on that short trip, I think a "monster" would not have enjoyed the experience. Can a monster feel love, feel sad, or feel pain? I think not. If a monster's only goal is revenge or inflict pain and incapable of feeling remorse, then why do I feel remorse and why do I still care about the one who betrayed me? That must mean I'm not a monster!

People love to label other people. Do we have to be slaves to the label? I think not.