Mother's final gift

I got on my bicycle yesterday and rode thirty miles to the small town where I spent a large part of my childhood. Since I'm moving away from Alabama permanently I figured this would be my final opportunity to see my old home. That was not my only reason for going.

My mother recently passed away. Before she died, we had talked about writing a book together, sharing our experiences of adjusting to life in small town Alabama. Mom was from Canada so she stood out like a sore thumb. However, she made many friends in that small town over the years. There were a lot of memories that went to the grave with her. After all, I was only five when we left big city Baltimore for rural Alabama. I saw this as a final opportunity to summon long lost memories of the distant past.

I have struggled with my faith over the past few months, but a couple of events that occurred during this trip led me to believe someone was watching over me. Perhaps it was my mother's spirit. I felt it once before right after mom had died, a firm hand pressing against my leg in the middle of the night, like someone trying to wake me up from my slumber.

My first sign came as I took a detour off the main highway to visit my aunt's old house. My step-aunt is still alive-- she has Parkinson's and lives in a nursing home. The house was being renovated and sits abandoned. Next door was my other step-aunt and uncle's house. They died years ago. The two houses sat empty, but still looked like it did when I was a child. On the other side of my aunt's old house was a new house, built barely a year ago in what used to be a wooded area I played in and picked muscadine grapes. A man in a silver Rio was pulling out of the driveway of the new house.

I flagged this man down and asked him if anyone was currently staying in the house. He seemed a bit wary at first until I explained my relation with the woman who used to live in the house. I introduced myself and told him about my mother and my book. Coincidentally, he was heading to Decatur via Moulton so he would pass right by where I needed to go, and he offered to take me to my destination. After two long hours of bike riding, I was a little sore, so I accepted the lift.

Along the way, he asked me if I believed in God. I told him I was struggling because of recent events, including losing my mother. He asked me if I believe in angels. I told him since I was Catholic I believe in guardian angels. I also believe angels can take the form of regular people. He responded "You never know. I could be an angel in disguise for all you know." He dropped me off at my first destination, just up the street from the home I lived in for a quarter of my life. The guy was illiterate and could not remember his address but he drew me a map to his residence. He drew a very familiar map, a corner of two intersections that was very familiar to me. He lived just across the street from my first home after we moved to Alabama! Call it what you want-- a coincidence, divine intervention, a sign-- but I want to believe there was a reason for this meeting.

I visited many places I remember from my childhood-- both houses we lived in, the old pizza parlor where mom used to work (it is now a seafood restaurant), the car lot where my step-dad worked (abandoned but still standing), and a few of our favorite places to stop in town, some of which still stood.

My first house was abandoned years ago and it is set to be torn down. I went next door, and it turns out the same people have lived there for over 30 years, and they remembered me. They invited me inside and listened to my story. I found my second coincidence when they mentioned their son, who went to school with me, lives in Cincinnati, my home of seven years. Thankfully, on top of showing me hospitality, they were also the people keeping tabs on my old house. I was allowed the chance to enter my old house.

My old house was in shambles. However, I was still able to find my old room, and the great oak tree still beckoned to the open window. When I was a child, I tamed a squirrel who lived in the big oak tree, and he'd come in through the window and cuddle up next to me. A flood of memories returned, and for the first time in weeks, I felt peace.

I spent the day stopping at place after place and reliving the memories of my childhood. My third "sign" came when I stopped by the house I lived in for 8 years. There is a small wooded area near the house I lived in, and in those woods is a stream. My brother and I played in that stream. We even had a favorite spot we called "Sacred Rock." It was a large round sandstone rock that resembled an altar, hence the name. I had broken off a piece of that rock and placed it in a small plastic bag. The bag fell out of my pocket in the driveway of my old house. I didn't notice until I was a mile down the road that I lost it. I returned to my house to retrieve it when it dawned on me-- I forgot to scatter some of mom's remains here. I believe again this happened for a reason.

I returned just moments ago to write this entry. I'm tired and chances are I will be sore. After all, I spent roughly 16 hours and rode about 100 miles on a bicycle. However, I wouldn't have traded this trip for the world. I was able to fulfill a promise and a desire. I left a part of mom in the place that changed her life as well as mine.

I have a feeling mom knew her time was coming, and she left me this project. I have thought about why she left this to me. Now I see this project for what it was. This was mom's final gift to me. This gift is the one thing no one can ever take away from me-- not Brandi, not the criminal justice system, not the trolls, and not even a hateful, spiteful society. Mom wanted me to find the good memories and hold fast to them. For so many years, I've only looked at the negative aspects of my life-- after all, I'm still a registered individual, and the justice system and society are not kind on people with my label. However, when I rested last night, it was filled with the happier moments. Mom wanted to remind me of those moments. She knew I would figure out what to do with that gift. She knew I would not let this book die with her.

Somehow I think she's still watching over me.

Starting over and hope

When all else was lost, I still had hope. Throughout my life there have been short peaks and deep valleys. Prison was the darkest valley in my life, and yet, I had hope. There was hope I could overcome the label and live a normal life. There was hope my ex-wife would find peace in her heart and there was hope someday we'd reconcile. There was hope for something better.

In my previous article, I likened Brandi to my relationship with society. Today solidified that. Love so easily turns to hate.Life as a sex offender can be that way. In April 2005, life was as good as I could make it under the circumstances. I was dating a beautiful young lady, I had a job and money in the bank, and my own place. It was just over a year removed from being homeless. I was "beating the odds." I may not have been making a six figure income and driving a Jag, but I was happy. It all changed the day I received the notice the state of Ohio was changing my classification. It was followed by notice my approved sleeping room was too close to a school and I had to move. My girlfriend left me fearing my status change. Though I fought so hard, I lost all I worked to achieve.

I was homeless again, though only temporary, as I had found a new apartment and would wait two months for the apartment to finish renovations. I was starting over again, but I had hope that I would rebuild. It was that time, in 2006, that my dream to reconcile with Brandi was fulfilled. That glimmer of hope was just that -- a glimmer. In early 2007, we broke up. I turned my anguish and despair into my book "Once Fallen." I thrust my frustrations into my activism.

In 2008 Brandi and I reconciled a third time, and recently, we broke up a third time. I cataloged my despair on this blog; I questioned whether I have ever accomplished anything in the past decade. It is hard to see someone I loved more than life itself sees me as an enemy. In the blink of an eyes, the love turned to hate. The one who had been there in my darkest hours of life has abandoned me and created a new darkest hour in my life. I've lost it all over again.

When I had nothing, I had hope. Hope is a hard thing to maintain in times of darkness. There was plenty of darkness and despair this week. It is hard to accept the contempt of someone I loved so deeply but I have no choice. I struggled to search for hope. It is not easy to find it alone, or even with new friends. Without hope, however, what else is there?

I know this storm will pass, like the storms I faced in the past. If I have nothing else, I have hope. I had nothing in prison but hope. Each starting over is a chance for something new.

I'm starting over again, as before. This time, hope is not coming easy. It has become harder to grasp each time. I must have hope, because without it, I have nothing.

Brandi

Brandi.

For fifteen long years, Brandi has been a part of my life, for better or for worse. In many ways, my relationship with Brandi and my life as a sex offender is similar -- tumultuous, filled with mistakes, and periods of both hope and utter despair.

I met Brandi March 8, 1996 at Northwest-Shoals Community College. It was love at first sight, and she was my first true love. We had a whirlwind romance and married on May 31, 1996. It was a happy time in my life, long before my days of the registry. Like most young couples (I was 19, she was 17), we had our share of struggles and disagreements. It was a somewhat amicable split after three years of marriage (though the last year was in separation).

Hindsight is 20/20. I never knew what I lost until she was gone. I fell into a deep depression and it was the factors related to that depression which led to my terrible mistake. I had sexual contact with an underage girl. I was arrested and charged with sexual abuse. When I sat alone in that jail cell and no one else was there, she was my only supporter. It was her faith in me that first led me on the path of redemption.

We drifted apart in time. Time marched on. I still thought of Brandi often, and even held hope we would get back together. Then, through a chance encounter at a Renaissance Fair we were together again. It lasted three months and ended fairly badly. It became a prevailing theme over the years. We ebb and we flow. We have good times together, but eventually things turn sour. We love each other, we hate each other. We've been together twice since then, and now we are apart again.

My relationship with society also ebbs and flows. I worked for two years to drag myself out of homelessness. I bothered nobody, kept to myself, and slowly built a life for myself. Things were looking up for a while. Then one day, my status was changed and I was forced into homelessness again. I found a new house and successfully fought to keep it. I experienced death threats. It was followed by the opportunity to establish myself as an online advocate. And as fate... and Brandi... would have it, I returned to the place where my journey began.

Throughout my two journeys, I have struggled to overcome two labels. Society judges me because I am a sex offender. Brandi judges me because I am a man.

Society says all sex offenders will re-offend. Brandi says all men cheat on and beat on their wives. Society says sex offenders can never change. Brandi says men can never change. Society says if a sex offender did it once he will do it again. Brandi says if a man does wrong once he will do it again. Brandi is filled with hatred of men, and society is filled with hatred of sex offenders.

Society believes in myths that hinder growth. So does Brandi. Not only does it hinder growth, it hinders relationships. Brandi, at 32, is no different from Brandi at 17. In her personal life there is no growth. Society, despite proof to the contrary, cannot be swayed from their deeply held myths. There is no growth in our knowledge of preventing sex crimes since Megan's law was passed in 1996.

Is it another coincidence my two journeys originated from events that occurred in 1996? Maybe it wasn't a coincidence after all. Both journeys are immortalized in my book, "Once Fallen." I would love to see the light at the end of this journey. Unfortunately, at this point my journey has lead me into a valley rather than a peak. I can only walk the valley until the peak returns. Time marches on. My journey now leads me elsewhere, and it is time to say goodbye to this forlorn past forever.

My journey with Brandi did not have a happy ending, but my journey to overcome the sex offender label does not have to share the same fate.

There IS hope to be removed from the sex offender registry

One of the most frequent questions I receive is, "Can a person ever be removed from the registry?" The answer is yes, though it is difficult. There is one way to be removed from the registry if you are guilty-- obtain a pardon.

http://www.news-journalonline.com/news/local/west-volusia/2010/12/11/deltona-sexual-predator-receives-pardon.html

DELTONA -- A Deltona man listed as a sexual predator for eight years won a pardon this week after he told the governor's clemency panel he has received therapy, and the designation has kept him from finding steady work.

********, 49, must now petition the Florida Department of Law Enforcement to have his name and photograph removed from a state website listing sexual offenders and predators, said Jane Tillman, a spokeswoman for the Executive Clemency Board.  The board -- Gov. Charlie Crist and three members of the Cabinet -- granted **** a pardon Thursday. **** was among 81 cases heard.

Even in Florida, the state seen as the worst in the USA, it is possible to obtain a pardon. Even if society and the law labels you a sexual predator, you can obtain a pardon. Even if you are standing before someone like Charlie Crist, a pandering politician who has used sex offenders to garner votes, you can obtain a pardon.

There IS hope. Simply type in "Pardons" and the name of the state of your conviction, and you can learn how to obtain a pardon.

DO NOT buy these toys to protect our precious Predator Panic!

Every year there are lists of warnings for the year's worst toys, but I'm sure this year, there is hoopla over a pair of innocent children's toys. The irony is, people criticizing these toys are asking the manufacturers, "What were they thinking?" We know exactly what critics are thinking, and it is quite perverted.

"VIDEO GIRL BARBIE"

Barbie has always been the subject of many controversies over the years, from claims she promotes anorexia and sexuality to the fight over her "decision" to dump Ken and be single. No controversy is more asinine than the recent news story that "Video Girl Barbie" can be used for... wait for it... Production of Child Pornography! In fact, the FBI actually created a press release just to warn parents that Barbie could be a mule for child pornography pictures. "If we pair the doll with someone familiar to the child, a babysitter or a friend, then you have something that is fairly dangerous at play," stated forensic psychologist Dr. N.G. Berrill. The justification is sexual predators could potentially take hidden video of kids using this toy.

There are a few problems with this line of logic. First, the same argument could be made for video cameras in general, including webcams and cell phone cameras. Second, the camera cannot be run in secret. Video Girl Barbie is not a spy camera that can be run by remote control. Third, are we supposed to believe giving this toy to a little girl will compel her to take off her clothes and pose for Barbie? Somehow I find that hard to believe. Perhaps people assumed this toy is as complex as cameras costing hundreds of dollars, with delayed recording functions. However, I doubt this toy, even at $50 MRP, is that complex.

What's next? Maybe we'll have "Voyeur Barbie" complete with trenchcoat, puppy, and the Barbie Malibu Resty Van, with a "Kidnapping Ken" doll sold separately.

"THE HARRY POTTER BROOMSTICK NIMBUS 2000."

Who would have guessed a vibrating broomstick would cause such a fuss? Reports abound online that the Harry Potter vibrating broomstick was causing a lot of "problems." Consumers were reporting their children were becoming "addicted" to the toy, playing with it "for hours."

Apparently the toy was pulled off the shelves within weeks of its 2008 release. No word on whether these toys were ever sold in Alabama, where sex toys like vibrators have been banned for years.

All this reminds me of the "Jelly Bracelet Sex Game" hoopla of the early 2000s (and supposedly making a comeback). While undoubtedly there are a small number of individuals who misuse a product, the amount of fear-mongering we devote to isolated incidents have been staggering. It is nothing new; after all, there was a lot of controversy surrounding the Dungeons and Dragons board game in the 1980s. The main difference is these days, we fear sex more than murder.

The bottom line-- at what point do we draw the line between genuine concern and witch hunting? Does a few isolated incidents equate to an "epidemic?" Many Americans seem to think so. Why stop there? Lets ban bicycles. They vibrate between a kid's legs when you ride them, and don't forget about roving bands of "smegglers."

So, this holiday season, watch out for Pedobear Santas bringing sackfuls of bicycles, Harry Potter vibrators, and Video Voyeur Barbies. Or, you can simply ignore the fear-mongers and just enjoy the holidays.

Lunsford Take The Money and Run (Spoof Song)

VOTE NOW FOR THE 2010 SHIITAKE AWARDS: http://shiitakeawards.blogspot.com/

Voting for the 2010 Shiitake Awards is taking place, so I set the mood by sharing the lyrics for one of the spoof songs featured in the 2009 Shiitake Awards. CLICK HERE to visit the Shiitake Awards during the month of December to vote, to watch the 2009 awards show, or to find out more about the third annual Shiitake Awards if you're not familiar with the awards show. No surprise, Mark Lunsford was a double winner (or loser, depending on your perception).

Lunsford take the money and run

[Spoof of "Take the money and run" By: Steve Miller Band]

This here’s a story about Mark Lunsford’s money woes

Some people asked where his foundation money goes

Got a custom chopper and a hummer parked outside

People got suspicious he was taking them for a ride

The IRS wanted to search his castle

You know ol’ Lunsford didn’t want that hassle

Hank Asher came in to bail out this bum

So now he’ll take the money and run

Lunsford take the money and run

Lunsford take the money and run

Lunsford take the money and run

Lunsford take the money and run

HERE IS A SECOND SPOOF, DEDICATED TO THE 2009 EVERYDAY ZEROES WINNER, PAUL SANDMAN, WHO TRIED TO EXTORT MONEY FROM A REGISTRANT:

MISTER PAUL SANDMAN
[Spoof of "Mr Sandman" By The Cordettes]

Mister Sandman Extorted Me [bum bum bum bum]

He needed money to buy him some weed [bum bum bum bum]

He tried to cheat me out of my clover [bum bum bum bum]

But one call to the cops and now its over!

Mister Paul Sandman sits all alone [bum bum bum bum]

Inside that jail cell he calls his home [bum bum bum bum]

For all the things he stole from me

Paul Sandman extorted me!

Unaccompanied adults: How far will we take Predator Panic?

I'd love to give a nod to Lenore Skenazy's Free Range Kids blog for this story.

Predator Panic in this country seemingly has no end. It is becoming more common for city parks to ban adults from being near playgrounds unless accompanied by an adult. Apparently this is the case in New York City, as seen in this sign. This week, seven people were cited (they could have been arrested) because they did a terrible thing-- they were playing Chess in the park! 

Hide your children! After all, the game of Chess has been teaching violence for a millennium or so; the object of the game is to use your army of pawns, Castles (rooks), Knights, Bishops, and even your Queen to capture the enemy king. Each piece "kidnaps" the enemy pieces (and there is no telling about the conditions of confinement upon capture, especially when our poor Queen is captured). It is a terrible game, teaching militarism, which ultimately leads to despotism-- even church members and women get in on the violence! I won't even mention the sexual undertones of the game, with most pieces shaped like a phallus. Seeing as how the Queen is the most sought after and versatile character in the game, much of the strategy involves boxing her in like you're trying to gang-rape her, so it is obviously promoting violence against women. Since the queen is the only feminine piece on the table, and not shaped very womanly, Chess promotes racism. Since most Chess games involve white and black pieces, it is possibly racist as well. Thus, those who play the game should be monitored closely.

Okay, enough sarcasm. It is time to analyze this idiotic story:

http://www.dnainfo.com/20101117/washington-heights-inwood/chess-players-ticketed-by-nypd-for-using-inwood-hill-park-chess-tables

Since blogger is acting up I'll have to summarize: Seven men were issued a citation for "Failure to comply with signs," specifically, playing chess near a playground area (which means they must be accompanied by a minor). Note I said "near;" the tables are separated from the playground by a fence. Adding to the story is the fact that the seven chess players are known by the community and has even taught some of the children in the neighborhood how to play the game. Many members in the community expressed outrage over the citations. However, the way the police showed up and approached the players implies someone called the police, likely by a "concerned citizen" (a.k.a., a paranoid helicopter mom). 

We are already teaching children to fear men as potential sexual predators. How far are we willing to take this panic? In the interest of fairness, I wonder why we cannot have child-free zones besides strip clubs and bars. After all, with all the danger outside, keeping children at home seems to be a logical solution. Maybe we can even take the hint from South Park and build a wall around our cities to keep the outsiders out, at least until the story is released that most child abductions are by the parents, so they exiled the children. At this point in our culture, the art is not far from truly imitating the life.

NCMEC drops the ball, speads more stranger danger

I have to admit one good thing about the National Center for Missing and Exploited Children; they have been trying to dispel the "stranger danger" myth. Today, they released a major setback in their quest to dispel this myth. Below is their latest press release:


http://www.ncmec.org/missingkids/servlet/NewsEventServlet?LanguageCountry=en_US&PageId=4320

CHILDREN AT GREATEST RISK OF ABDUCTION WHEN GOING TO AND FROM SCHOOL OR SCHOOL-RELATED ACTIVITIES

Rather than cut and paste the entire article, I will cut out the high points and point out the contradictions.

NEMEC: "An estimated 800,000 children are reported missing every year. That is 2,000 children every day or one child every 40 seconds. NCMEC analyzed more than 4200 attempted abductions for the five year period from February 2005 and March 2010 and found that:"

The stat is from the NISMART-2; 800,000 missing child reports are just that-- missing person reports. They do not clarify that fact that of the 800k reports, the vast majority are runaway/ throwaway children. Part 2 is a structural issue because it implies that each of the 800,000 reports are the same as abductions.The problem is they took two stats that are not alike and put the two together. They clarify this later on in the report but by then the damage has been done.

NCMEC: "Parents also need to understand that most of those who abduct children are not 'strangers'. The phrase 'stranger danger' is pervasive in our culture. However, teaching children to only be afraid of strangers is the wrong message. Children don’t get it. Children view a 'stranger' as someone who is 'ugly' or 'mean'. If someone spends time talking to a child or is even just around a child they think they “know” the person and don’t view them as a stranger. Research shows that of the 58,000 non-family abductions each year 63% involved a friend, long-term acquaintance, neighbor, caretaker, baby sitter or person of authority and only 37% involved a stranger. The number of pure strangers is not insignificant but it remains far smaller than other offenders who have easy and legitimate access to children."

This should have been mentioned without the 800,000 missing child report statistics, most of which are runaways. From the 58,000 "non-family abductions, that'd be roughly 19,000 "stranger" abductions. The definition of abduction in the NISMART-2 report is rather vague. The criteria is extrapolated from the NISMART-2:

Thus, NISMART–2 defined a missing child in two ways:
first, in terms of those who were missing from their caretakers
(“caretaker missing”); and second, in terms of those
who were missing from their caretakers and reported to
an agency for help locating them (“reported missing”).
NISMART–2 counts a child as missing from the caretaker’s
perspective when the child experienced a qualifying
episode during which the child’s whereabouts were
unknown to the primary caretaker, with the result that
the caretaker was alarmed for at least 1 hour and tried to
locate the child. For an episode to qualify, the child had
to be younger than 18 and the situation had to meet the
specific criteria for one of the following NISMART–2
episode types (summarized in the sidebar on page 4):
■ Nonfamily abductions (including a subcategory,
stereotypical kidnappings).
■ Family abductions.
■ Runaway/thrownaway episodes.

Nonfamily Abduction
A nonfamily abduction occurs when a nonfamily perpetrator
takes a child by the use of physical force or threat of bodily
harm or detains a child for at least 1 hour in an isolated place
by the use of physical force or threat of bodily harm without
lawful authority or parental permission; or when a child who
is younger than 15 years old or is mentally incompetent, without
lawful authority or parental permission, is taken or detained
by or voluntarily accompanies a nonfamily perpetrator
who conceals the child’s whereabouts, demands ransom, or
expresses the intention to keep the child permanently [Emphasis added]

Stereotypical Kidnapping
A stereotypical kidnapping occurs when a stranger or slight
acquaintance perpetrates a nonfamily abduction in which the
child is detained overnight, transported at least 50 miles, held
for ransom, abducted with intent to keep the child permanently,
or killed.

But there was no mention of the stats for "stereotypical" abductions, which was 115, the high-profile cases people fear most. There is no clarification between the different types of missing person reports, and without even knowing the NISMART-2 was quoted, you have no way of clarifying the facts.

This poses another question--why did they look at only attempted abductions rather than actual abductions? The scenario is a little stereotypical. What were the other scenarios involved? I'd like to know.

The bottom line: They should know better than to write such a easily misread article.

This news story already shows how the article is already misread and misinterpreted; notice the headline:

New Stranger Danger: Sex offenders target middle school-aged children

Read more: http://www.cbs12.com/articles/kids-4729646-children-school.html#ixzz15SZHJKNM

"JUPITER, Fla.-- It's something many kids have to do, walk to and from school. But it's a passage of childhood filled with peril.... The National Center for Missing and Exploited Children says a startling amount of attempted abductions, 43%, now involve kids between the ages of 10 and 14. 38% of attempted abductions take place to and from school. And about the same number of cases,37%, occur between the hours of 2pm and 7pm. The results were released in August after the NCMEC analyzed over 4200 attempted abductions between 2005 and 2010..."

No mention of the NCMEC's warning about how the number of true stranger abductions. After all, the whole point is to scare you. Do we really need ignorance and fear to be the catalyst for teaching a few tips on prevention? I have no problem with the safety tips. However, our culture of fear mongering has also made us very blind and hypersensitive to the true degree of risk. It is sad we cannot learn honesty in addressing the issue. The NCMEC really dropped the ball on this one!

UPDATE: Read eAdvocate's dissection of the CBS 12 article by clicking on the link below:

http://sexoffenderresearch.blogspot.com/2010/11/how-to-co-mingle-unrelated-facts-to.html

Collective Punishment: Should one man suffer for the sins of another?

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Collective_punishment

Collective punishment is the punishment of a group of people as a result of the behavior of one or more other individuals or groups. The punished group may often have no direct association with the other individuals or groups, or direct control over their actions. In times of war and armed conflict, collective punishment has resulted in atrocities, and is a violation of the laws of war and the Geneva Conventions. Historically, occupying powers have used collective punishment to retaliate against and deter attacks on their forces by resistance movements (e.g. destroying whole towns and villages where such attacks have occurred).

This is the Wikipedia definition of "collective punishment."Collective punishment, simply put, is the concept of punishing a group of individuals for the sins of one person. Sex offender laws are a prime example of collective punishment.

You need to look no further than the Adam Walsh Act to understand this concept. The law was named after a child who was killed in 1981, before my fifth birthday. I was still living in Baltimore, MD in 1981, so there is a pretty good chance I had nothing to do with young Adam Walsh's disappearance and death. Yet, nearly 30 years later, I am punished for his death by a law passed in his memory. In fact, there are 715,000+ (and growing) individuals who had nothing to do with Adam Walsh's tragic death, but are punished in his name.

What happened to Adam Walsh was tragic indeed and no one deserves that kind of fate. However, should I be held accountable for a tragic murder that had occurred when I was in Kindergarten? Should I apologize over and over again for something I did not do? Society seems to think so. I don't. Somehow not claiming responsibility for a crime I didn't do somehow makes me "unrepentant?" I don't think so.

Sex offender laws should be based on reason rather than revenge. Revenge motivated laws have tarnished the memories of those children we have named laws after. Why is it we can name a law after Adam Walsh to satisfy our bloodlust but we won't throw our support to a grieving family who believes in rehabilitation of former offenders, as in the case of Esme Kenney? Where is an Esme's law that supports the things that the Kenney family believes in, such as a common sense approach to the issues?

The answer is simple. America supports revenge, not rehabilitation. That is why we have the highest incarceration rates in the world, beating out Russia and China. Ironically, as a former offender, I'm supposed to apologize for every tragedy that happens, accept whatever punishment they arbitrarily throw my way, and if I complain, I'm "unrepentant." To that I say, is Esme Kenney's family as deserving of a voice as Adam Walsh's family? Think about it.

Election Night Thriller (Yet another spoof song)

My first spoof song since the Shiitake Awards, I think. As heard on ARC Talk Radio on my birthday, Oct. 31, 2010 (yes I was really born on Halloween)!

ELECTION NIGHT THRILLER
(Sung to Michael Jackson's Thriller)

It's close to midnight/ And something evil's lurking on TV
Right now on primetime/ You see some crap you really can't believe
You Try to scream/ But you still can't drown out Ann Coulter's screeching
You start to freeze/ As Bill O'Reilly looks you in the eyes
Feeding you lies!

'Cause its a thriller, election night!
And no one's gonna save you from four more years of this tripe!
You know it's thriller, election night
Your fighting for your right to fight this killer, election night!

You change the channel/ But election cov'rage rules on every one
You feel a cold chill/ You're wondering who voted for this bum
You close your eyes/ And hope some people voted independent
But all the while/ You see another tally rolling in
You just can't win!

Cause it's a thriller, election night!
There ain't no chance he'll lose now with a lead that friggin' wide!
You know it's thriller, election night
You'll want to end your life here on this killer election night!

The votes are all tallied and evil ones cheer in their masquerade
There's no escape from the lies of the winners this time
Its the end of your life!

They're out to get you/ It feels there's nothing more that you can do
They'll raise your taxes/ but then again that's nothing new to you
Now is the time/ for us to move the heck out of this country
All through the night/ I'll push the car pedal to the floor
To reach the border!

'Cause its a thriller election night
And no one's gonna save you from the damn teabagger's strike
Yeah it's a thriller election night
So spread your cheeks real wide and take this-
-Killer, diller, chiller, thriller, election night!
It's a thriller election night
Those elephants and donkeys got you locked into their sights
Yes it's a thriller election night
So spread your cheeks real wide and take this killer, thriller, ow!

We're getting screwed tonight!

Darkness falls across the land
Election hour is close at hand
Creatures ponder for your votes
The night air fills with pundit's notes
And whosoever shall be found
An undecided voter still in town
Must stand and face the ballot from hell
And choose from two clowns he can't can't apart tell

The foulest stench is in the air
The funk of FOUR MORE YEARS!
And grisly laws from womb to tomb
Will be passed soon to seal your doom
And as you watch the nightly news
Your body starts to shiver
For no mere mortal can withstand
The evil election night thriller!

[Evil laugh]